While working with my very upset inner child, I realized that I had a belief that had shaped my intimate relationships. A belief that created a boring life of unfulfillment and craving love. A belief that made me desperate, needy, and willing to put up with any type of treatment for that brief exchange of love and attention. A belief that made me a pet, not a partner.
If this doesn't hit an emotional chord with you, you probably don't share the same inner child belief as me. However, if reading this makes a light bulb go off, allow me to enlighten you further by sharing the belief that creates this pattern. But first, I want to tell you about my childhood.
I was the last of three children and the only girl. I was adventurous, creative, and imaginative. I had lots of energy and was always busy. All I ever wanted growing up was someone to play with. What I found was people who would tolerate me for a short time and then tell me to go find something else to do.
I had one cousin who lived close by. She was older than me by about a year and didn't let me forget it. It was with her that I became a pet for the first time. I would do in a pinch. If no one better was around to play with, and she was bored and wanted to be entertained in some way, I was asked to play.
I wanted so bad for her to love me, or at least like me, and she didn't. I would always be less than in her books. I wanted to prove I could be a good friend. I tried so hard. She was mean to me but I didn't care, she was all I had. She told me I was fat, had weird thumbs, a weird smile, an ugly mole on my back that I should never let a boy see or I would never get married, my clothes didn't match, my hair was terrible, and on and on and on.
It wasn't until I was a teenager that I finally gave up hope of us being friends. She was going through a really hard time and I wrote her a letter saying how I wish we could talk and be there for each other. She never responded. It took years for me to finally see what I really was to her and what I would never be.
As I'm writing this, I'm uncovering a second belief, but I want to first share belief number one.
The people you love and who say they love you, won't have time for you.
The second belief I am now realizing is:
The people you love and who say they love you, will be superior to you, or better in some way.
Belief number three.. When the people you love have nothing better to do and want to feel loved for a minute, they will call you.
Those three beliefs created by the mind of my inner child based off of her experience of life are now creating my current relationship reality. These are the same characteristics that you see with most family pets. They love you unconditionally no matter how you treat them or how much you ignore them. They perk up at the slightest look their way. Living for the crumbs of your attention.
This has been a life changing realization for me. Knowing the core beliefs that shape my world, empowers me to change them. I don't want to "do in a pinch" ..I don't want to be less than. I don't want to be a loving presence that can be put in and out of a box at the convenience of others. I don't deserve that. My child doesn't deserve that and I will no longer allow her to be treated that way.
The people who love me have time for me.
The people who love me see me as an equal.. and I see me as an equal.
The people who love me don't use me to make themselves feel better or when it's convenient for them. They are true friends.
now that's better:)
Angie Johnsey is a speaker, author and world-renowned Mind expert. A hypnotherapist and psychiatric nurse by trade, Angie assists clients all over the world to become aware of their mental and emotional patterns, bring clarity and peace to lives that were once full of stress and suffering, and choose the feelings they would like to have to transform their lives.