Q. What causes us to look outside of ourselves for love, kindness, and reassurance?
A. When you can't find those things inside, the only place left to look is outside.
If your inner dialogue is full of self hatred and self loathing, if you speak to your inner child as if you hate it and wish it would die, there is no love, kindness, and reassurance to be found.
When someone comes along who speaks kindly and gently and doesn't verbally abuse you for innocent mistakes, your inner child takes notice. Not only does this child notice, it attaches. It holds on tightly for dear life to the only source of love in can find in this world. It then becomes needy, clingy, addicted to this outside source of love, and incredibly fearful that it will go away.
So how do you stop this?
You have to learn to be this child's source of love. You have to stop hating it when it embarrasses you or does things that look childish or draws attention to you. You have to love it even more than the source outside of you does. You have to be it's protector.
It will then begin to feel love from you and begin to trust you, however it will have to be constantly reminded that you are it's source of love or it will attach to someone outside of you.
Q. Why is it unsafe to attach to someone outside of you?
A. This outside source, although kind and loving, has a mind of it's own and no obligation to this child. If it decides to leave, you are left with a screaming, hurt, abandoned, rejected, fearful child and no way to calm it down because it doesn't trust you or like you.
It only wants the person outside of you. Love from that outside source is the only thing that will calm it. Now that outside source has full control over how you feel emotionally... and you have absolutely no control over the actions of this outside source. This is a very unstable and insecure position to find yourself in.
Begin now building a loving relationship with this part of you, and you will have the power to keep it calm at all times.
Angie Johnsey is a speaker, author and world-renowned Mind expert. A hypnotherapist and psychiatric nurse by trade, Angie assists clients all over the world to become aware of their mental and emotional patterns, bring clarity and peace to lives that were once full of stress and suffering, and choose the feelings they would like to have to transform their lives.