angie johnsey | the vibe doctor
  • HOME
  • RETREATS
  • YOUTUBE
  • INSTAGRAM
  • The Mental Minimalist Blog

Do some people need kicked out of your people room? let love do it for you.

12/20/2020

1 Comment

 
We took a bit of an inventory of our People Room during our Friday Lunchtime Live.

I'm not sure about everyone else, but I realized just how many areas in my room I was creating walls and opening myself up to all kinds of problems and dramas.

How was I doing that exactly? With the quality of my thoughts.

Think negative, low quality thoughts about those people or situations in your People Room and you allow in some pretty low quality behaviors from yourself and others.

In our session, we learned how to clean this up and how by sending out higher quality thoughts, loving thoughts, thoughts of blessings towards others, that love would set an automatic boundary and only allow in high quality behaviors and treatment from others.

We also learned that before we get all the walls down and change the vibe of the people room, it may be necessary for us to distance ourselves from some people and their not so pleasant behaviors that are hanging out in our space. Then we let love decide if they get to stay or if they will need to move along..

Join me for a pre recorded Friday Lunchtime Session this Friday.. Christmas Day!! We will be making sure our God Room is feeling more and more like a place of peace, safety, relief, and comfort.
​
Sending your mind some love,
Angie
​
1 Comment

Don't feel loved? Do you have walls up?

12/13/2020

1 Comment

 
I didn't realize until our last live session this past Friday, just how many walls I have had up over my lifetime. After I realized how and why we build those walls, I was able to see it clearly. Once you can see and understand what "walls" you off from connection and feeling and giving love to others, you can then start to tear those walls down once and for all. This allows love to flow both from you and to you.

In our session, I discussed 4 ingredients or bricks that can build those walls of distance and separation.
(our focus in this session is the resentment brick)
Our bricks consist of:
  1. Fear: you might do something to me that will hurt me emotionally, mentally, or physically. I don't trust you not to hurt me. I don't feel safe with you. You might be critical, judge, disapprove, reject, or abandon me. Other people in my past hurt me, so you probably will too.
  2. Shame: low self worth or self hatred- because of what I did to you in the past, or because of the kind of person that I am, I don't deserve anything, much less your love. I am not worthy of love. I haven't been good enough to earn any love.
  3. Resentments/Hate: I am still so angry or really bothered by something that you did, so I am not letting you in. I have not forgiven you. I am not finished hating you. The argument is still not finished or resolved in my mind. I didn't get the resolution that I wanted or needed.
  4. Personal Differences: I don't agree with what you did or what you think or what you believe, therefore we can't be close. I think you have to agree with me and hold the same fundamental beliefs as me before I can or will share love with you.
As I mention in the video, there may be more bricks but these are the ones that I have identified for now and I feel it covers most areas of things that create separation in relationships.

In our session, I give you the 3 step process for beginning to bring these walls down and yes, you guessed it, it all starts with self love. Being able to reconnect with your own inner child and love it completely is the core of this work.

​Join me again next Friday Dec. 18th at 12pm cst for Session 3: Walls vs Healthy Boundaries or be sure to check back here next week for the replay:)
Picture
1 Comment

DO YOU HAVE A CHOICE WITH YOUR ANXIETY?

10/26/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
​
​It is easy to think or feel that anxiety is just something that is happening to you and you are merely a victim.
There are some circumstances where this is true. When you are having anxiety, but know you have been taking excellent care of your mind, then yes, the anxiety is coming from a deeper place within you.

Possibly some past experience of unresolved trauma or stored emotional energy. This energy surfaces at times that do not make logical sense to you. Meaning, there seems to be no apparent stress or reason for it to surface at that moment. There is no apparent trigger. This is a past trauma or post traumatic stress.

However, most of the anxiety that society is experiencing now is due to poor inner parenting or poor mental health care. This is current stress, meaning stressful thoughts that are being allowed into your mental space right now. We are watching other minds creating stress through judgements, perceptions, and thoughts of the future and then choosing to join them. Other minds are freaking out. We spend most of the day watching these other minds freak out..we then freak out too.

You must take responsibility for your mind care. You have a choice. Care for your mind. Know it's limits. Know what it can handle and what it can't.

The child or mind is the anxious one.
Separate out from the anxiety. Do this by realizing your are not your mind. You are not the part that is anxious. Your mind or your inner child is anxious. Yes, both of you feel the anxiety or excess energy running through your body, but it's being stimulated by the mind. You , who you are, is the forever calm presence. Embody the calm presence of the adult nurturing caretaker, and take charge of this situation. Talk to the child. Ask it what is wrong. Notice what it has been thinking about and how often it has been thinking about that topic. Then begin taking better care of this part of you.

If anxiety is surfacing in the form or panic attacks for no apparent reason, allow a professional to help you release that stored energy.

Understand that anxiety is simply excess energy full of the adrenaline hormone that makes you feel jittery, clammy, short of breathe, as well as other symptoms that can occur. It starts from perceived fear in the mind and then the body gets involved as it thinks it is in danger. It is not pleasant of course but don't let the mind make a huge deal of it. Don't let the mind build even more fear or anxiety over feeling fear and anxiety. Let your mind know, that when you feel symptoms of anxiety, your body is just doing it's job and letting you as the caretaker know, that you might want to check in on and take care of your mind.

Watch what you are feeding it.
Know what scares your mind or inner child and what comforts it and then chose to feed it comfort instead of fear. Allowing it to watch other minds argue, attack one another, hurt one another physically or verbally is feeding it fear. Allowing it to listen to others minds talk about the uncertainty of the future and speculate on what could or might happen is feeding it fear. Chose wisely what you allow your mind to watch and listen to.

Monitor and redirect as needed. (This is parenting.)
It is important to listen to the thought or content topic your mind is entertaining within your inner dialogue. What is it focusing on? How much space does that topic take up in your mind? How often do you think about it? How is it making your mind feel emotionally by allowing it to think about it? Just as you would not allow your child to talk endlessly about some topic that clearly upsets it, you also should not allow this of your own mind. Redirect it. It's ok to say to your mind, to yourself, "that's enough now. That thought is no good for you".
Wallowing in the pain and fear of this is not helping or making things better. It's time to move to a better thought. Reach for a topic that feels better. You can let it know that you understand it is afraid. You also realize it is afraid not to think about it constantly because it thinks by thinking about it constantly that it will finally come to some solution. Help it understand that solutions can only come when it relaxes and steps out of the fear that it is in around the topic.
Take it for a walk outside. Point out other things to focus on or think about. Just as you would a crying child. That is one of the first things I always did with my kids (learned from my mom I'm sure) was if the child was beside themselves to take them outside in the fresh air and point out the trees, and butterflies, and anything and everything to distract their minds from the thing causing the pain. You must do this for your own inner child which is your mind
.
You can do this.
Yes, getting professional help can be extremely helpful. However, the caretaker job after you leave that session belongs to you. No one is going to follow you around 24/7 and take care of your mind or inner child for you. You can talk to a therapist and they can help you learn how to parent or care for you mind, or help you help it heal from past pain, neglect, or abuse, but the caretaker job is yours. You are the only one who hears and experiences every single thing your mind says and does from the time you wake up till the time you go to bed.

Love, care for, and protect your mind and eventually you will notice how calm it has become.
​

Picture
Today only $97
​Learn more
0 Comments

whiny, complaining mind

10/12/2020

2 Comments

 
Picture
Do you have any "poor me" thoughts? These thoughts creatively hold you in a space you don't logically want to hang out in, however, part of you enjoys the feeling of victimhood. No. This does not make sense. This is not logical. This is emotional. Remember as a child when you would receive sympathy from a parent, or teacher, or anyone at all? How did it feel? Good? Did you feel seen? Did you feel understood? Did you feel emotionally validated? Probably yes and if you have been following or reading any of my content, you have come to learn that being seen or understood is one of the 4 primary or basic needs of our minds. (Seen, heard, wanted, safe- the four basic needs= feeling loved)

Poor me thoughts serve the purpose of getting one of those basic needs met. Is it a childish coping skill? Yes. Have you outgrown it? Yes. Are you still using it? If you have "poor me" thoughts floating around in your mind that you entertain from time to time, then yes. If you find yourself whining and complaining about life to others instead of taking positive actions to change or accept your situation, then yes. These behaviors all stem from the poor me victim mentality.

Let's say goodbye to this childhood coping skill. We know it's helping us feel seen or understood, which is one of the four ingredients of concluding we must be loved. So if we are going to get rid of this method of feeling seen or understood, we need to replace it with a more adult method.

How does an adult cope? An adult will see that it is not them that has this need, but is a need of their own inner child or their mind. When the inner child begins to have poor me thoughts, or begins to whine and complain, the adult caretaker of this mind, sees that their mind is needing a little attention and has begun acting out with these behaviors to feel seen. In the past it has reached out to others and with no adult caretaker in charge to redirect it, it went out and told it's troubles to anyone and everyone who would listen, agree, and give sympathy. Your job as the adult caretaker of your own mind, is to be the one your mind reaches out to.

Yes, have a conversation with yourself. Close your eyes. See your own mind. See how it's feeling. Ask it what is wrong. Ask it what it needs. Reassure it. Let it know it is safe. Let it know you are taking care of it. Let it know there is nothing to be afraid of. Talk to it as you would a scared child. Recognize it's fear. Calm it's fear. Recognize what it is really asking for in that moment of whining and complaining. Just like children whine when tired or overwhelmed, our minds also do this. You may need to give your mind a break. It may need a nap. Just as children become spoiled by having all of their expectations met by others if they whine and cry loud enough, you may need to teach your mind to let go of expectation on the behaviors of others. Other people get to have lives that put themselves as priority instead of always making you and your needs the priority. Your child may not understand that truth yet.

If you have found yourself in a dysfunctional friendship with a needy mind who is looking to you to be their caretaker, don't enable them. You know what they are wanting. Help them to begin to give this care to themselves by refusing to jump in and constantly soothe their fears or give sympathy or support for their negative feelings towards life or others. You may find this challenging, however, if you continue to be what they should be for themselves, it will exhaust you. You will have nothing left for them or for you. Teach by example. Step out of the way by giving no comment when they are wanting you to play the role of their caretaker. Silence speaks volumes. You don't have to leave them or shun them or be cruel. Be kind and compassionate but help them see that comforting their mind is their responsibility. 

I've been on both sides of this type of relationship. It never ends well for either person. 

Take care of your mind. Allow others space to learn to care for their minds. Leave whining and complaining to the children who are actually children. Then help those children move into adult understandings and coping skills.



2 Comments

You Have to Love & Accept all of you

7/20/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Have you ever met someone you just didn't like? It's as if everything about them repelled you? Maybe there is someone in your life now or in your past that you have strong feelings of hate towards. Maybe you are unsure why you have such strong feelings towards them.

See if you can narrow down your feelings to one single trait about them. What would that be. " I hate the way they __________________."
Now ask yourself, Have I ever exhibited that trait in the past? Maybe in childhood, or as a teenager, or now as an adult?

Those we hate in our People Room can help us come to a greater love and acceptance of ourselves which is what this experience is all about.

Meaning, if we stop to see who this person is reminding us of in our basement or our past room, it's usually ourselves. Some part of ourselves that we felt was unloved or unaccepted by others, we also began to hate and reject as a part of our true nature.
We began to hate this part of us so much that we began to deny it's existence. Until, someone shows up in our People room with that same behavior. This really angers us and set us off to push this person out of our lives. We can't even stand the site of them. It is as if they are holding up a mirror to a part of us that we hated and buried in the past and refuse to look at. Now they bring it up in front of us as if to say.. I'm not going anywhere until you learn to love and accept this about yourself again. We find loving the good parts quite easy, but we have to also love the parts that we consider "bad". I'm not saying that we can't change those things or improve ourselves, but I am saying we can't hate and deny it's existence or that it too is a part of our nature.. and that is ok. It's called being a human.

What do you need to learn to love and accept about yourself? 

I had someone in my life (my people room) that I couldn't even stand to think about. The thought of them brought up such a strong emotional reaction of anger and hatred. I also logically couldn't really understand why. They had done nothing to me whatsoever. I had to narrow it down and find the trait.
​The trait I found was that they allowed themselves to be mistreated and didn't stand up for themselves. I absolutely hated that. I hated that about them.. and when I thought about it more deeply, I realized I also hated that about me. I had to come to terms and forgive myself for this past behavior and love my weakness just as much as I love my strength. I had to release and express the anger I had towards myself for tolerating mistreatment, for not standing up for myself, for being a coward. I had to love and embrace the cowardly part of me. I had to love all parts to come to complete love and acceptance of myself. 

Once you come to complete love and acceptance of yourself- all parts- your People Room becomes a much more pleasant, relaxed, and enjoyable experience.

People can only "get to you" when there is an opening. That opening is a hatred of yourself.


0 Comments

Oh Pouty mind of mine

7/13/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Let me tell you what kind of mind can be on one the most miserable to live with and deal with.. a pouty mind.

I observed my own pouty mind over the past 48 hours. Even though I was able to stay aware and separated from it- which is step one in the Tidy Mind Process- I was still feeling the discomfort of my miserable little mind in my emotional body (which is expected). I knew I needed to have a talk with it. Basically, what it came down to was my mind was not getting all of it's conditions met. It was then becoming angry and looking for someone to blame, punish, and manipulate. 

Some of our minds don't know how to handle or cope with not having everything the way it thinks it should be. It has wants and desires and has never learned to cope with not having every condition always the way it thinks it should be. So it pouts. Feels sorry for itself. Becomes angry. Blames situations and other people. However the real problem, is only within itself. You are suffering because this type of mind can't handle not getting what it wants when and how it wants it. 

Let's Help It Cope
This type of mind sulks, is miserable, and makes everyone around it miserable in the process. If it has picked a target to blame, it will begin it's punishing and acting cold and aloof. It does this passive aggressive action to get the attention of the one it wants to do something to make it feel better. Yep, it's childish. However, this behavior probably worked in the past, so why fix it if it still works?

To help it cope, it must first admit that this behavior is childish. It must also see that it is impossible for conditions to always be perfect or how it wants them to be. It must learn to endure discomfort without resorting to it's old tricks of manipulation to get someone else to help it feel better. Remember, that is your job.

Here is something you can try the next time pouty mind shows up.
  1. Don't fight the discomfort you feel. Let your mind know that it doesn't have to fear the discomfort it feels from not getting or having what it wants. Be kind and patient with your mind but let it know that pouting won't fix it this time.
  2. Ask it what it is wanting that it is not getting. Write it down. Now ask it to write down the reality of how things are right now. Now make a plan with your mind how it can cope with what it can't change and how it can plan to take one action step on the things it can change.
  3. If your mind has picked a target to blame and punish, let that person know. You might want to have a conversation with them before this happens to let them know you are trying to help your mind overcome a poor coping mechanism. Then when old pouty shows up, let the person know it is happening and that your mind wants to be mean and cold and punishing but that you are doing your best to not do that. You might even suggest they give you some space and not engage in conversations with you until you can get your mind out of pouty/angry mode. If you are in a relationship with a safe person, they will appreciate your honesty and support you as you work with your mind.
0 Comments

Redirect Your Mental Energy

7/10/2020

1 Comment

 
Picture
I have personally wasted so much of my own mental energy dwelling, suffering, story making, entertaining suspicion and assumptions, jumping to conclusions, being afraid of things, torturing myself over past mistakes, etc....The amount of time and mental energy over my lifetime that my mind has spend in these behaviors is truly overwhelming.

Imagine, had I not wasted all of that time thinking on things that either weren't even true or things that couldn't even be changed no matter how much I wanted them too... If I could have redirected and harnessed that energy in a positive and productive direction what I could have created!!! 

We were given these minds with the intent of using their energy, their brilliance, their genius to do amazing things for humanity and create enjoyable lives. However, our minds became dysfunctional some where along the way. Now they create problems, drama, pain, suffering, and despair.

How do we change this?
We must all become mature, responsible caretakers of our minds. Think of the inner child part of your mind as an energy. An energy we can use to create or to destroy. It can do both. Now think of the inner parent part of you mind as the one in charge of directing this energy. If you have learned parenting techniques of punishing, shaming, guilting, and manipulating as ways to control this inner child energy, you are creating dysfunction and this energy will then be used to destroy.. yourself.. and others. If you as the caretaker are constantly tormenting this inner child with painful, embarrassing memories of the past, this is a misuse and an abuse of this energy.

A responsible, mature caretaker, helps the child part of the mind get it's needs met, helps it stay relaxed, and keeps it focused on creating healthy and exciting things. It helps it stay healthy and focused on using it's energy on things it can change, improve, and enjoy. 

A sloppy caretaker neglects the needs of the mind, expects others to meet those needs of it's mind, has no idea how to help the mind relax, and to make matters worse, provokes this part of the mind by punishing it and keeping it stirred up emotionally over past experiences that it can't possibly change.

This usually happens when you lay down to sleep at night. Your caretaker part of your mind will dig into the deepest, darkest, scariest, most painful memories it can find and proceed to punish and torment you with them. This is the equivalent of a parent going into a 5 year olds room at night and relentlessly verbally abusing that child with name calling and shaming and putting fear into it by showing it the scariest images and most frightening stories it can think of.  

If any of this sounds familiar, you can learn to be a mature and responsible parent or caretaker of your mind by taking the Learn to Tidy and Relax Your Mind Course.


Come to the Tidy Mind Open House

Picture
1 Comment

Little Goal #2

7/1/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
I blew it! I just ate enough calories for a whole week in that one meal!!! I'm out of control!
​Don't wait till Monday to get back on track. Start right now.

So you ate.. a lot. You may still be feeling full and bloated from all of the stuff you just ate that you know you shouldn't eat but you ate it anyway.

Take a deep breath and let's get back on track by regaining a sense of control..self-control. 

Here Is How.
THE HUNGER WAVE CHALLENGE
  1. Starting NOW, commit to yourself that you will not put another morsel of food across your lips UNTIL your body signals that it is ready by sending 2 waves of hunger. You can have water, but >>> nothing other than water. No gum. No hard candy. No chocolate cake. Water.
  2. Wait for Wave #1 to hit. Once you feel it, or think you feel or sense it, drink one full glass of water, but no food, gum, or candy. Notice how long this takes for your body.. digestion times vary for different body types.
  3. When Wave #2 hits, eat a meal around but not over 400 calories. See if you can omit carbs and refined sugars from this meal. Eat slowly. Put your fork or spoon down between bites. End your meal with a little swish of mouth wash (not chocolate flavored). Now plan out or decide what you will eat for your next Second Wave Meal.
  4. Repeat. If you get back off track at any point, all you need to do is start again at number.
.Please notice:
  • How long you go between meals before feeling your second wave of physical hunger
  • How quiet your mind is if not woke up by carbs/or refined sugar.

Why does this work. 
You are gaining a "self-control" momentum. When we feel out of control with food or anything else, anything goes. We eat anything. Do anything. We might feel bad about it but not bad enough to change it. Our go to phrase is "f*ck it" I'm off track anyway. I blew it weeks ago. I'm already overweight. Might as well.

This mentality comes from a strong momentum of being out of control. No one is driving the bus. No one is at home and in charge here. 

When you take a small step and focus on just the period of time between now and the next time your body feels hungry, it's doable and kind of fun. Then every time you say "No.. I think I'm going to wait to see if I can feel or sense that hunger feeling because I want to see how long it takes my body to digest this meal I just ate", you feel in control. Then when you drink your glass of water after wave #1, you feel even more in control. Then wave #2 comes and you eat the meal you planned for.. meaning you put time and energy into planning and actually thinking about what was going in to your body, you build even more energy onto that in control feeling.
Then you plan your next meal..and on and on and on. The feeling of control builds and now you have a positive momentum. Someone is in charge and that someone is you. It feels amazing!!!!!
It really is that simple. You really can do this. Try it. Start right now. Comment and let me know how it goes.
​

IT'S TIME WE TALKED.

0 Comments

Little Goal #1

6/30/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
I was watching a movie on Amazon Prime last night called Brittany Runs a Marathon. Odd title I know but late at night I'm not too picky over movie choices. It was actually a good movie that addressed many of the social and emotional aspects of being overweight and trying to lose weight. So in this movie, Brittany's friend said the phrase "little goals".. and that really stuck in my mind.

So many times when we look to make a change to our bodies or our diet or our lifestyle, we 

>>>
stand there looking at this big mountain and become overwhelmed and discouraged. This instantly makes us drop the idea all together.

Take your eyes off of the mountain. If you go into anything focused on the enormity of the undertaking, you immediately drain any passion or enthusiasm that you may have had to get started. You need that passion and enthusiasm. That is your fuel!
Instead, know what the big goal looks like but then zoom back out to the very next step in front of you. If you can do that, you are winning the greatest part of the mental game. If the mind is allowed to become overwhelmed, then forget about it. Your plans are doomed. Your mind won't support them. However, if you can keep your mind from focusing on anything except one doable step... bingo!!! Of course, this is more difficult than you may think. Our minds love to wander off into the future and overwhelm and frustrate themselves quite often. You will have to be a vigilant caretaker of your mind during the "get my new habits started" phase.


Little Goal #1- Start 3 New Habits.
Habit 1- Keep your minds focus zoomed in and don't allow it to even look at the mountain.
Stop and think what your first step should be and start. Do it. Don't wait until all of the circumstances are perfect and well planned. Do it. Do it after you finish reading this. Do it sloppy. Do it messy. Make mistakes. Look like an idiot. Embarrass yourself..but do it. Maybe it's touching your toes 10 times, or trying. Maybe it's standing with your arms out and twisting in place for 60 seconds. Maybe its finding that big water jug and filling it up and putting it beside you on the couch. Just do something.

Habit 2- Read something every day for 7 days about healthy food and exercise. Look at other peoples before and after pictures. Research exercises that look fun. Watch YouTube Videos about peoples weight loss journeys. This is your fuel. You need fuel to power up enough to create change. Don't skip setting up this habit. If you are reading this you already are on some device with internet access. Start googling.

Habit 3- Do one thing different this week consistently. Take one thing that you learned during habit 2's research and inspiration step and do it everyday for 7 days. If you allowed your mind to look at the mountain and talk you into skipping a day.. it's ok.. refocus. Realize your mind took it's focus off of the single step, looked at the mountain, whined "toooooo harrrrrrd", you listened to it and did nothing. You forgot to redirect your mind to today's step. Now decide it's never too late to pick that foot up and take that step. There is no expiration date on next steps. You never use up all the next step opportunities. Take it. Then take it again.. and again.. and again. 



join us on facebook for support!

Picture
0 Comments

All I want to do is eat!

6/29/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Have you ever uttered
”All I Want To Do Is Eat?”
Try this before heading to the pantry.


We all know that our minds can develop the habit of using food as a go-to comfort tool. During those moments of discomfort when one snack turns into a snack-fest that last until you finally go to bed, it’s important to stop and find the source of the discomfort. 

Here is a quick checklist for you to use the next time you are pounding out a trail from your pantry to your fridge.

Is it Physical Discomfort?
Are you too hot? Too cold? Is the clothing you are wearing uncomfortable or restrictive? Do you have a headache or some other bothersome but mild physical pain? Are you dehydrated?
If yes, put the cookie down and help your physical body feel more comfortable. Many times, we are busy and just ignore these mild discomforts but there is a part of you that is stlll very aware of it.. and that same part of you controls your autopilot habitual actions and behaviors. If food is it’s autopilot program.. guess what you are about to do?.. yes eat!
​

Is it a Mental Discomfort?
Is your mind tired? Have you been thinking and or sitting in front of a computer all day? Sometimes we can be really into what we are doing and ignore our minds when they are becoming tired or exhausted. Since our minds don’t typically speak up and say, "Hey dude.. I could really use a break right now", instead, you find yourself grabbing the chip bag to help you push through those mental tasks. 
Next time, recognize if you’ve been at it for a while mentally, and you are really wanting those Miss Vickies Jalapeño Kettle Chips, it’s time to give your mind a rest. Walk away from the computer screen. Go do something mindless and enjoyable for awhile.

Is it an Emotional Discomfort?
Time to check in on how you are feeling internally. Are you bothered? Upset? Angry? Worried? Sometimes if we aren’t conscious and aware of our emotional state it can trigger our need for comfort.. to just feel better. 
If yes, put the ice cream back and go have a talk with yourself instead. Maybe keep your journal in the freezer where you used to keep the ice cream. Do what I call a Mind Dump and just allow your mind to say anything and everything that it is thinking..just listen and write. I’ve got a whole course written to help you release and comfort yourself emotionally without using food.
​It’s called the Learn to Tidy and Relax Your Mind. You can check out the first 3 days free with no expectations or obligations to do more.

time to watch tidy mind tv

Picture
0 Comments

a suspicious mind is afraid of emotions

6/26/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
An unsettled mind is an afraid mind.
An unsettled mind is a direct threat to your peace.
​If you fall into the problem finding category of mind habits, you know that when your mind is up in the air on a topic, it will begin to spin, obsess, search, etc.. until it gets the answer it needs. If it is depending on an "answer" in order to settle, it could take awhile and it is possible that there is no answer to be found. During that while, you will feel unrest, unsettled, confused, upset, restless and frustrated. The topic in question will soon consume all of your thoughts causing your mind to become lost inside the confusion.

So what do we do when our mind receives information that worries or upsets it and sets off the domino affect of this mental habit?

It's time to step in. You will need to step into the strong role of the caretaker and give your mind an intervention. 
You know the deep pit of despair it will take you into if you ignore it and allow it to set off on it's search for information.

Why does It do this? It Is afraid and trying to stay safe. It thinks if it can somehow figure out the future or uncover information that it does not yet know, then it will have everything that it needs to control and avert disaster.. emotional disaster that is. However, in this quest to avoid emotional disaster, it begins to create the very thing it is attempting to avoid.

Ask yourself, Is my mind doing this for emotional reasons? Is it using its detective, problem solving gifts in the emotional world. Is it trying to meet it's on need for safety? If yes, help get it out of there. How?

Stay with the facts. Set your mind back on the path within the logical world. Keep the Future Room and the People Room and the emotional world off limits to this mind. Help it redirect it's focus on things it knows to be true.. things that are certain or stable.
I personally have this type of mind. I often think I should have pursued a career as a detective or worked for the CIA or something. My mind has a super suspicious nose for emotional danger and because I didn't know how to care for it, has held me in much emotional suffering. Trying to fix the unfixable and solve the unsolvable will drive this mind insane.

It helps me to visualize two paths.
One path goes into a deep ocean. Here there are emotions, instability and unsolvable, uncontrollable constantly changing people and situations. This is incredibly overwhelming to the problem solving mind if it thinks it's supposed to fix, change, and avoid what is in the ocean. Nothing can be solved or stay solved here in the emotional ocean. Your mind will constantly stay unsettled and busy trying to fix unfixable things and control uncontrollable forces here.

The other path stays on stable dry land, where there is clarity and certainty. Here there are fixable things. Once fixed, they stay fixed. Once solved, they stay solved. This is the physical tangible world...not the emotional world.
Yes your mind will always pursue making it's creations even more efficient and constantly improve on them.. but this is healthy. Your mind will thrive in this type of environment. This environment is concrete and non emotional. This is where your mind can change and control things and use it's strength for good.

This is the only path for a problem solving mind. It must stick with the facts and keep it's energy in the physical world. This kind of mind can become very lost, very sick, and very unstable if allowed to go in the ocean for the purpose of fixing it. 

I'm not saying that if you have this type of mind, you should never have or show emotions. Emotions are normal and healthy. What I am saying is that your mind shouldn't try to avoid emotions, change, or pain by using its problem solving gifts as a form of control. No matter how smart our mind is, it can never stop, change, or control a force like the ocean, Emotions are coming. Don't run. Don't be afraid. It's just the ocean. It's normal for the tide to come in and sweep us up in it. Just lay on your back and let it float you to your next chapter, with whatever and whoever that may be. Then direct the energy of your problem solving mind on things you can create and control. 

Follow the Problem Finding Board on Pinterest

Is there always a problem? Even if there is not a problem, does your mind create one or make one up? This mind is constantly in fix it mode. Find out how to slow it down and help it chill out. 2 types of minds in this category: Passive Side- Worried & Anxious Aggressive Side- Pushy & Critical
Picture
0 Comments

What is the "heart"?

6/25/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
I sat down this morning to write a new blog post on being raised by a parent suffering from alcoholism and the affects that can have on your mind as a child, and realized my heart was just not in it.

What does that mean? My energy was not supporting the idea.. at all. Not that it was a bad idea, I just had no motivation to write about it.. my heart or spirit was not in it.. there was no inspiration or in-spirit-action behind it.

It is important to listen to your mind and your heart during these times. Many times we push our minds to do things out of fear, desperation, or time pressures. I know that with the kind of mind that I have, that this isn't healthy. 

So I stopped trying to force it, and decided to listen to it..and apparently it would rather write about the importance of listening. I would also like to write about the heart and how it works with the healthy, functional mind to create and bring what is needed into the world in just the right way and the right timing.

It's possible that someone reading this, really needed it today. It's possible that someone's heart is trying to tell someones mind something, and the person doesn't know how to allow that to happen.

Letting the Heart Lead.
Here is my belief or understanding. Your heart or spirit is a pure divine essence connected to the Great Heart of Great Spirit..or God..whatever label you have for that big, all knowing, creative energy of the universe. It is the very core of your being. You came here with it and you are still connected to it.. You can't be separated from it, nor can it be touched or damaged. The mind, acts as the eyes and ears of the heart.. the story teller of the experience..
A dysfunctional mind that is full of misunderstandings, one that has told many negative stories full of lies, can't be used by the heart. Not only can it not be used, that kind of mind overpowers the heart. It is too loud, to emotional, to unstable. The heart (who you truly are) just has to sit back and wait for an opening. If the mind is dysfunctional an opening only happens once the mind exhausts itself. Its why the best ideas or the answers usually come once you "give up". This is also called surrender. You can surrender from exhaustion or by choice. I suggest learning to surrender by choice will save you lots of time, struggle, and suffering.

Think of the mind and the heart as dancing partners.
Did you know that when we put our hands in prayer pose in front of our hearts and bow our heads towards our hands, we are signifying that our minds are surrendering to our hearts? We are surrendering the lies, the stories of who our minds think we are or think we should be. We are asking for truth to emerge from deep inside and come out and interact with the world- despite the fears and rules of our mind.
A healthy mind can allow this. An unhealthy mind can't wake up and separate from being immersed in the stories. The heart holds the line that connects it to the answers. It can receive the instructions, directions, and next steps. Then the heart can take the hand of the healthy, relaxed, surrendered mind and create beauty, peace, and contentment.

What direction does your heart want to take your mind today? Will your mind relax and allow it? Take a few minutes now and try to listen. If your mind is too loud, it's time to learn to take care of it and help it relax and trust the heart. You can start with the Learn to Tidy and Relax Your Mind Course.

a meditation of surrender for you

0 Comments

do the tidy mind 2 step.

6/24/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Two Things Need to Happen to Tidy Your Mind.

ONE. Release Deep Pain.
Although your mind may tell you that this is an impossible task and you will just be broken or messed up forever because of a past experience, it is not true. Deep pain is usually only 20% of the reason your mind is creating emotional suffering. See, it's never as big and bad as your mind makes it out to be.

HOW: You can start with the Learn to Tidy and Relax Your Mind Course and also work with me One on One to work through deep pain.

TWO. Break Bad Mental Habits.
Our mind develops some destructive mental habits in efforts to get it's needs met as a child. You are also genetically predisposed to think a certain way and make certain assumptions that can result in bad habits. Bad Mental Habits make up the other 80% of the cause for your mind creating emotional suffering. This is actually good news as helping your mind step away from these habits usually only takes awareness of them and consistent redirection.

HOW: The NeverMind Blog is designed to help you find your habits and help you step away from them.. to retrain your mind to think and behave in a different way. It will also help you to understand the minds of those you are in relationship with.. and how they think very differently to you...and this is normal. Just as there are different body shapes, the minds that go with those shapes all have a unique way of thinking and perceiving the world around them. Here are the 3 Mind Habit Categories.
  1. Never Satisfied- Sensors & Crusaders
  2. Problem Finding- Activators & Connectors
  3. Trust Issues- Guardians & Diplomats

we need to talk

0 Comments

Victim of Grand Ego

6/22/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Sensors & Crusaders:
Well apparently I'm not going to make many friends with this post. 

This Health Type tends to be the winners in the eyes of society. 
They are smart. 
They are naturally good at just about everything they try.
They are beautiful.
All of these qualities are highly recognized, praised, and sought after in our society.

In school they are they jocks and the cheerleaders, the homecoming queens and kings.
In the movies they are the stars the leading characters.
This result is this type of mind growing up expecting to be treated as special, important, the star of the show, the best..acknowledged, praised, admired.

All of this special treatment, shapes a mind that becomes very needy of external validation and constant reassurance.

As a child, they may find this is easy to come by and it comes in abundance.. Their minds big needs for external validation are constantly met.
Everyone tells them just how good and smart and beautiful they are all of the time..
Then as they grow into adulthood, unless they become a movie star or celebrity, this amount of recognition of beauty and achievement is harder and harder to come by and even then...it's never enough.
This mind falls in the Never Satisfied Category of Mind Habits.  

To get their minds many needs met, they will overachieve, constantly change things about their looks or appearance. Do whatever it takes to get noticed. 

No amount of money, status, or recognition is ever enough for this mind. It will always need more and never stay satisfied for long. This is an incredibly tiring and exhausting type of mind habit to have and can leave people who appear to have it all feeling desperate and miserable. They work hard at perfection so they can achieve the recognition.

What's the Fix?
Awareness that your mind has created a hole that can't possibly be filled is a great start. You are setting yourself up for failure and that is something your mind does not handle well. 
Realizing that those around you in your life aren't responsible for constantly trying to fill this hole for you and make you feel a certain way. They have lives and minds of their own to care for.
Your mind and it's needs are not the center of the universe. Other people exist and we all matter.
Redirect your focus from receiving to giving. If you look outside of yourself. See a need. Meet a need.
Stop comparing your life and experience to what you see in movies. It's not reality.
Stop expecting perfection. It doesn't exist.
Use your mind for it's intended purpose. You are hard workers. You are unstoppable. You are smart. You have the ability to go the distance. Go create something amazing for the world. Get your mind off of itself and it's mission for validation and reassurance through looks and accomplishments.. and put your mind on a mission of creating a better more efficient world. I have no doubt you will succeed.

0 Comments

victim of grand idea

6/22/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
ACTIVATORS/CONNECTORS: Have you ever asked yourself..
"How did I get myself into this mess?!!!.. I am so overwhelmed with the work I have created for myself." 
You are suffering from a VOGI-
Victim
Of
Grand
Idea

We love to dream big. We have lots of ideas.. and not just any ideas.. BIG ideas. In our imagination we can see how amazing and how awesome seeing this idea come into reality will be. We love how it makes us feel to imagine this.

What we don't have is the ability to realize that to actually pull off one of these grand ideas would take a team of 20 people with various skill sets working around the clock.

But don't try to tell us that!! Oh no!! We will kill ourselves trying to prove to you and everyone else that we CAN do whatever we think and say we can..all by ourselves.

We have to remind ourselves to stop and count the cost. We need a reality check to look at the amount of time and energy this will require.

Stopping and thinking is not our strong point either. We are so swept away by the excitement of the idea that one minute a huge idea pops in our head and by morning we have a website started, a Facebook group created, we've announced our grand plans to all social media platforms, we've secured a business name, etc.. etc.. etc...

It looks amazing in our minds, but very soon the reality of the situation sets in and we feel imprisoned by the work our dreams have created.

Don't suffer any more VOGI'S. Enjoy the dream. Keep dreaming and using your imagination. Dream big things. Enjoy feeling those things are real and true by seeing it in that massive imagination of yours.

Then in your real life.. keep it simple. Stick to things you find fun and easy. Yes, we all know you can do anything you set your mind to. We know you are tenacious. You don't have to prove it to anyone.

Pick the parts of your work that you enjoy and either ditch the rest of it or find someone else to do the parts you either don't enjoy or that don't come naturally to you and the way your mind works.

If you don't know your HEALTH TYPE- Take this 3 minute test to find out:) Get to know yourself.
0 Comments

Victim of grand expectations

6/22/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Guardians and Diplomats:
I did a post the other day for the Activators and Connectors suffering from VOGI'S- Victims of their own Grand Ideas.
Today I realized that Guardians and Diplomats have VOGE's..Victims of Grand Expectations..

You guys have a super strong value system. Things matter to you that don't matter to the other health types.. such as remembering birthdays, writing handwritten thank you notes, making others feel special... going the extra mile.

You will put so much time and energy into making things special for others because it matters to you. You value excellence.

Then after you put in all of this time and energy, if it's not noticed or appreciated or reciprocated in the way you EXPECT.. you suffer and become angry and resentful.

Your great expectations also make it hard for you to trust others to do the same quality job that you would do. This means, you end up taking on more because of this belief and maybe a little need to control so it's done "right" but becoming bitter and resentful that "you have to do everything."
Here is an audio I hear from many Diplomats especially."I always have to be the responsible one. It's always all on me. I have to do everything. I get no help or support...and no one even appreciates it. I do everything for everyone all of the time and they don't even notice everything I do for them."
Is this true or are you bringing everything all yourself because of your GRAND EXPECTATIONS? Are you experiencing a VOGE?

BELIEF- I HAVE TO DO THIS
(EVEN THOUGH NO ONE ACTUALLY ASKED ME TO OR IS EXPECTING ME TO EXCEPT for MYSELF AND MY HIGH EXPECTATIONS ON THIS EXPERIENCE)
REACTION- BITTER , RESENTFUL, AND HATING ALL THE UNAPPRECIATIVE SELFISH PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE
(USUALLY YOUR FAMILY, THE ONES YOU LOVE MOST)

If this sounds familiar it's time to end the VOGE's... realize you are setting yourself up for this anger and bitterness. Realize things that matter so much to you, just don't matter to everyone else.
Of course, they will let you do it if you are offering, but if you are looking to get your need of appreciation met from them.. you are looking for it in the wrong place.

Either resist the urge to go the extra mile for everyone.. or drop the GRAND EXPECTATIONS on their reactions being some over the top outpouring of appreciation.. it's not happening....you are living in a dream world.....
then learn how to fulfill your own emotional needs for appreciation. Learn how to tell yourself how amazing you are.. how special you are..know for yourself what an incredible human being you are.. because you are!💛
0 Comments

It's time to be brave & stop hiding

6/19/2020

1 Comment

 
Picture
"I wish I didn't care what others thought of me."
"I wish I could stop doubting myself."
"I wish I could stop people pleasing."
"I wish I could just be myself around anyone and everyone."
"I wish I could be free to be my authentic self."
"I wish I could just relax around others."

You don't feel safe enough to experience the above mentioned yet.
Why? You have made everyone else's thoughts and opinions of you higher than or more important than.. more valuable than your own opinion of you.
You see others as the adult or the authority. This is pointing to a the Caretaker part of your mind, not quite stepping into adulthood yet. You may also have a fear of mistakes...meaning you don't feel safe to make your own mistakes yet. You've yet to allow mistakes to become an acceptable part of life. 


You also don't trust you yet.
What does that mean?
If you look at your mind in 2 parts.. one being the inner child part, the other being the parent or caretaker part.. the inner child doesn't trust the caretaker and the caretaker doesn't trust the inner child.
The inner child is loud, direct, honest and can also have adopted many bad habits to get its needs met.
Your inner child is more than ready to be it's true self around everyone.
The caretaker is supposed to be the confident adult, but may not have grown into that yet.
This is the people pleasing part of your mind. The part that is afraid of rejection, judgement, criticism, and making mistakes. The one looking to others for the answers when it should be confident in it's own thoughts and opinions. This behavior of the caretaker angers the inner child part and it will act out.
The caretaker is embarrassed by the behaviors of the inner child part and tries to suppress it.
You can see there is a war here instead of a union. This is a dysfunctional relationship between YOU and YOU.

What's the Fix?
 1) Help your Caretaker grow up and embrace adulthood. Some of you are avoiding being responsible for yourself...because being responsible means owning mistakes.. and you are still afraid of mistakes. It's easier to just hide behind insecurity or other people.

 2)  Help the Caretaker part overcome it's fears of rejection, judgement, criticism, and mistakes. This will require looking into your past experiences..or "basement" work. 

 3)  Create a sense of calm and security within yourself by strengthening your YOU and YOU relationship.

Need step by step instructions on how to accomplish these 3 important milestones in your growth?
Pre Register for the upcoming course Grow Me Up- Helping your Mind Step into Maturity.

You will receive an email announcing when the course has been published.

* indicates required
1 Comment

are you being mistreated? do you stay or do you go?

6/17/2020

1 Comment

 

listen to the audio version here or
​read the blog below


Are you really being mistreated or are they just not doing what your mind wants and expects.

Let’s define mistreatment. 
You are actually being mistreated if you are suffering physical, mental, or emotional abuse. 

We all know what physical abuse looks like. 
Mental and Emotional abuse can be a bit of a grey area for our minds, but let’s try to define it. 
Here are a few behaviors that you should protect your mind from. Name calling, bullying, emotional manipulation (punishing you with silence) gas lighting (trying to confuse your mind and make it question itself or think it is crazy or misreading things) attacking, blaming, shaming, guilting, etc. 

This type of behavior is their little mind trying to get its own needs met by you.. by using every trick and game it can think of.
It wants to feel a certain way, and by doing these behaviors to your mind, it get’s it’s needs met or tries to get them met while your little mind is being abused. 

You may have just read this and thought.. oh God.. I do some of these things to others. Yes, most of us have. 
Why? Because our minds are trying to get their needs met from another person and it will do whatever it takes.. even if it means hurting another mind. If you are doing these behaviors to the mind of someone you love. stop. Take sometime and work with your mind. Learn to Tidy and Relax your mind is a good place to start. If another mind is doing these things to you, protect your mind. That doesn’t always mean leave them. Sometimes all it takes to protect your mind is just staying aware of what they are doing and why they are doing it. That abusive behavior is coming from a mind in pain, in fear, in need. that they are not caring for.

No one is going to do everything your mind wants and expects.. 
but it doesn’t mean they don’t love you.. 
it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be with them. 

What it really means is that your mind is still looking to other people to get its needs met instead of looking to you. 
It may also mean that you have a mind that has a “never satisfied” habit that needs to be broken. 

If you are looking for and waiting on perfection in a relationship with another person.. 
I’m sorry to disappoint you, but the reality is.. that doesn’t exist. 

Despite what your mind tells you because of what it has seen on tv of the movies it watched as a kid, there are no perfect relationships. 

However, the closest you can come to that is the relationship between you and you.  
You are the only one who is going to love and tolerate your little needy mind enough to tell it what it wants to hear.. to give it what it wants to have to be satisfied. Just you. 

Other people can truly love us..but they have their own little needy mind that needs cared for..

No matter how much they love you, you are not the center of their world, or the most important thing in their world, and you shouldn’t want to be. It’s actually quite selfish and egoic of our little minds to think we should replace and come before the needs of their own little minds. 

You do you. They need to do them. Once you both have that straight.. then you can come together as two mentally and emotionally healthy human beings and hang out together. Neither needing and expecting something of the other.

​
1 Comment

what's the problem now?

6/17/2020

0 Comments

 

listen to the audio version here or
read the blog below


A problem finding mind is an exhausting mind to have if it has bad habits.
It never stops.
In it’s functional state it’s an amazing analyzer and problem solver.
In it’s dysfunctional state, it will focus on unsolvable problems, such as other people or situations that are out of its control and begin to race.
It can also become bitchy and very critical.
Let’s look at both Passive side of this mind and the Aggressive Side.

The Passive Side.
I like to use the analogy of the tidy mind house with this type of mind, so the person can visualize what their mind is doing. 
This mind feels that it can’t relax until it has the answer or the solution has been found…but when it is zoned in on something that doesn’t have and answer or solution, it becomes neurotic. Obsessive, racing, out of control, running around faster and faster around the mind house trying to “fix” it.
Then it realizes this is making it feel really bad so then it runs around even more trying to fix itself.
This is the passive side of this mind.
The worry, or trying to figure it out and fix it, causes the anxiety.. which is the result of the mind running non stop creating excessive mental energy which then is felt by the body as anxiety.
It’s too much. It is shorting itself out.
This type of mind is easily wound up. Problem, Solution.. Problem, Solution. I’m tired just thinking about it. 

The Aggressive Side
This mind habit can also take on a suspicious nature..and if it also resonates with the trust issues mind habit category.. watch out. This combination can be very destructive.

This mind is very rushed, urgent, and pushy. I will push you into decisions out of a sense of urgency or desperation, when if you could stop and look at the facts of reality, is not necessary. It only exist inside this mind. “Do it now! Don’t make anyone wait! Slop It together and just get it out there!” Hurry!!! To this mind everything feel life or death. 

Because this mind thinks so fast, it can be very critical of those who don’t.
It can also turn that criticism inward and really develop some negative self talk that destroys your confidence and trust in yourself. 

It is destructive because this mind likes to “warn” others.
If it thinks someone is “bad” or is mistreating, using, or abusing other people, it will tell the others..not because it’s trying to start trouble. It speaks up out of fear and in it’s mind it is protecting people..
However, this mind is reactive and jumps to conclusions and makes assumptions and then decides it is fact. It’s usually not fact. This type of mind rarely stops long enough to determine if something is actually a fact or can be proved. This mind can start protest and movements. This mind is passionate and fuels the passion or pain of others. 

If functional, it can be an inspiration and very motivational. It knows how to stir the emotions of others in such a way that makes them feel passionate about something too.

This mind is extremely empathic. This makes this type of mind great at sales or helping others. If they really like something.. they are so relatable and they tell everyone about what they have found. They love to share the good things they have found. They also like to share the negative things they have found. The filter and the thought process of “Hey, What kind of damage would this do if I just blab it out right now without thinking it through?", is not there. 

A thought is in there head one second and then out of their mouth the next. Everything moves really fast for this mind. In other words, you put your foot in your mouth.. a lot.

This type of mind also works for reward, usually in the form of praise and recognition. Meaning, it wants and needs a reward and instant gratification is always preferred. It likes short projects that can be admired and praised quickly.

If you have this type of mind people either really love you or really hate you. It can go either way. This mind can get you in trouble and make you say and do things that hurt yourself and others in the process. Those with this mind learn they have to “fake” nice.. because its unacceptable if they actually say what they think. They have to learn social niceties instead of it being safe to be authentically themselves. This mind knows what it likes and what it doesn’t. This mind is the first to get medicated for ADHD. Because it thinks so fast and so much, it is the first to become diagnosed with some disorder and be medicated.

This mind can get into a big complaining habit especially in its more aggressive side.

Are You Resonating?
If you are resonating with this mind, you probably fall in the health type of Activator or Connector.. meaning your are probably not very tall and have more of a lean curvy hourglass shape or a fuller curvy hourglass shape. I myself am a 5’3” Activator and I have done all of the above. Crusaders and Guardians may also resonant with a few of these habits.

This mind can be a gift to society when functional and not exhibiting bad habits. This mind can also be societies worst nightmare if exhibiting the aggressive side of these bad mind habits.

If you are living with someone with this kind of mind, please don’t point out their negative behavior in any way unless you have a death wish. They are aware of it.. trust me. They live with it going on inside of them every single day. They just don’t know how to ease the pain and if their mind is a telling assumption stories to them, they have just become lost in the story, believing everything their mind says is true.. which just adds to the pain. Please don’t medicate them because you think they should sit still more..Support them by understanding them and giving them a safe space to begin to understand themselves. 

What’s the fix?
Passive Side..
Close your eyes. See your mind running around your mind house.. frantically trying to fix something or figure something out. See yourself as the caretaker. Go to the mind and hold it. Hold it in your lap and say, you don’t have to fix this or figure this out right now. It’s ok. There is no rush. It’s ok. You may have to hold it for a few minutes before this energy starts to calm down and slow down.
​
Aggressive Side..Awareness of of what your mind is doing is the first step. Realize you have the power to create or destroy. It’s a big responsibility. Begin using it wisely. Don’t hurt others with this powerful mind and don’t hurt yourself. 
Start a new habit of Pausing before speaking or acting. Then do a Fact Check and a Consequence Check. This will help break this aggressive habit. 
​
If it is constantly criticizing you, or you resonate more with the aggressive side, your mind is in pain and fear. You will need to help it release and express this pain. Start with the Learn to Tidy and Relax Your Mind course today.
​
0 Comments

why gratitude does not fix negativity.

6/17/2020

0 Comments

 

listen to the audio version here or
read the blog below


First let me clarify I have nothing against gratitude.
I think it’s fabulous. Keep your gratitude journals. Go to town. Have at it.. as we say in the south.


What I do oppose is the concept that being grateful is a solution for a negative mind.
It may help retrain some of it’s negative habits, but if you don’t start at the source of the problem, this is a fix that won’t stick.


So where is the source of your negativity?
It resides in a mind who has been hurt or one that has not had it’s needs met.
A negative mind is no stranger to disappointment. This mind has lost it’s faith in other people and sometimes in life.

This mind has been let down and lied to way too many times to count.
A negative mind is a hurting mind.
You can throw all the gratitude at it you want, but it doesn’t relieve the pain.
It just makes you feel guilty for being negative when you “should” be feeling grateful. 


Sounding familiar?
Now before we go too deep into blaming others or life for our minds being negative, we have to look at the kind of mind we may have. 
You may have a mind with strong values and high expectations.
Well isn’t that how we are supposed to be?
The truth is, a strong value system and setting the bar super high on behavior is not for everyone.
It doesn’t make them wrong or less than, it just means that they have a very different mind with a different set of priorities than yours.
The higher your expectations, the greater your risk of disappointment. True?


When we don’t understand this, we can assume that others just don’t care about us.
I mean you always remember their birthdays and send them thoughtful gifts, so they should do the same, right? 

Nope. It's not happening.
Now it would be nice, but thoughtfulness and gift giving does not come as high on their priority list as it does yours. 


There are some minds who are negative because they feel they never get what they want or it’s just never enough.
Life is unfair. They develop a bit of a suffering, victim mentality.
Their mind is wanting sympathy… someone to take their side.. acknowledge the injustice.
Then a little praise about how they made it through such an experience wouldn’t hurt either, right?
This mind can also fall into the Never Satisfied category of mind habits.


Why do we have different minds?
Several factors.
One is genetics. I can guess if you are resonating with this and thinking I’ve been secretly watching you somehow, that you have an apple or pear body shape. If you also resonant with the Never Satisfied category, you could be more thin, triangle or ruler shaped.
Second factor to consider is who you watched and learned from when your mind was developing as a child.
Third factor is the emotional pain you are storing and the behaviors you developed in an attempt to ease that pain and get your needs met.


So what’s the fix.
Take a look at the 3 factors. 
  1. Get to know your mind genetically. Understand we are not all the same nor do we have the same priorities, and accept that as quickly as you can.
  2. Give some thought to the behavior and coping skills of your parents or those you grew up being influenced by. 
  3. Learn how to release your past pains and begin meeting the emotional needs of your mind.
I have a course that will help you through this process called Learn to Tidy and Relax Your Mind.
You can try out the first 3 days free.. and if it works for you, then purchase the course for $97 and keep going until your mind no longer has any reason to be negative. 

​
0 Comments

is your mind never satisfied?

6/17/2020

0 Comments

 

listen to the audio version here or
​read the blog below


It's never enough.
This type of mind Is always waiting to experience contentment, but once it receives it's desired feeling, it is short lived. It will need more.
This mind is always waiting on a dream destination, a dream person, a dream situation to make it feel better.
It craves perfection, or the picture society paints of perfection.

This mind refuses to come out of the clouds and join the others in reality. It has a movie mentality.
This mind bores easily. 
This mind wants what It wants and it wants to get what It wants..
Do this for me.. Give me what I want.. Make exceptions for me.. I'm special don't you know?
It can be rather self serving and self centered. It has the engrained belief that others are supposed to meet it needs and if they don't, it will resort to game playing and manipulation. 
This mind also desires to be the center of your world. 

"When I am around, I should be the most important thing in that moment.
You should drop everything else in your life and put me first. If you love me, you would put me and what I need first always."


This mind then sets out to find that perfect person that will meet every emotional need and admire it constantly and make it the center of their world... because they are supposed to, right?

Be proud of me.
Admire me.
Desire me.
Compliment me.


The Passive Side of Never Satisfied.
Whiny and Needy. The passive side of this mind Is usually sweeter than the aggressive side, but it's draining to others...
and don't underestimate it. It can be as dangerous if not more so than the aggressive side.

It uses the sweeter side to gain sympathy to get what it wants and needs. It plays weak and may even play dumb if that will work.
It will cry, play games, scheme, manipulate, whatever it takes to get it's needs met.
It will push you away to punish you and to see if you "love it enough" to chase it.. cause that's how it works in the movies right?

Remember this mind is super intelligent because it was intended to create vaccines and stuff, but here we are.
This mind can not be satisfied.
It will never receive enough attention, praise, or admiration. It's a bottomless pit.
It is a high maintenance mind.
No human can possibly make your mind feel what it wants to feel forever, so stop looking..
Some loving souls can hang in there for a little while, but soon, they realize what they are up against and give up or run away.. This is what we call "self sabotaging".. Your mind ruins your relationships by wanting something that is not humanly possible...
and then your mind blames the other person instead of taking personal responsibility. 
What this mind mistakes as love, is nothing more than a self centered mind getting its needs met for a time by another person. Real love has nothing to do with someone meeting your every emotional need. Real love is about two people, not just one.

The Aggressive Side of Never Satisfied.
Jealous and Comparing. This happens as a defense mechanism. It is constantly on the look out for threats. Who might come between me and me getting my needs met. They might steal my admiration, my compliments. They might be prettier and get the attention that belongs to me. They might take my title of the best. Can't let that happen now can we.

When this side is activated, you might see anger, rage, outbursts. This minds needs being met is being threatened and childish behaviour may soon make an appearance. The person with this mind will do everything possible not to let the aggressive side surface, because they don't want to "look bad".

Comparing can take many shapes. It doesn't have to be relationship related. It can be success related. Your mind can turn on you and torture you over YOU not being enough. Your accomplishments, no matter how great, are never enough.. it's never satisfied. You should always be doing more! Get me more praise, more success, more money your mind says.

It's just bad habits. You are not broken.
These are nothing more than bad habits learned by a very Intelligent mind whose focus is to be made to feel how it wants to feel.
If these bad habits of whining and neediness and jealousy and comparing were to be eradicated, this mind would take the healthy focus of productivity. Those who have this type of mind are not here to suffer these bad habits, but are here to use their driven, obsessive, passionate tendencies to create amazing things that will benefit and move humanity forward.
However, these habits get in the way, and this powerful mind only sets out to create suffering and emotional pain for themselves and those around them. This mind has the ability to go the distance, to get things done, to lead. It is highly intelligent, focused, and driven.
It does not belong fumbling around in the emotional world chasing feelings. 

This type of mind usually belongs to but is not limited to Sensors & Crusaders. (Don't know your health type? Take the quiz.)
Diplomats & Activators can also fall victim to such bad habits. None of us are immune but your health type can tell you a lot about what negative habits you are prone to exhibit.

If you are interested in breaking this habit, I suggest starting with the Learn to Tidy and Relax Your Mind online course. Check out the first 3 lessons and see what you think...if it works for you.. keep going.
​
0 Comments

The Past Room. What's in Your Basement?

6/17/2020

1 Comment

 

listen to the audio version here or
​read the blog below.


The dreaded basement.
When I work with clients one on one to tidy their mind, there comes a point in every session after we have discussed what is going on in their current situations.. or their people room.. where I say.. ok, are you ready to go in the basement and find the box this is opening now? The response is usually an astounding... NO!!! not the basement.

It’s like asking a child if they are ready for you to get that splinter out of their finger. They do.. but they don’t. They want the relief from the pain but sometimes we have to push through pain to get to the relief on the other side. This is what is happening for you emotionally as you go in the basement to deal with your pain of the past.

Pain of the past… ughhh.. just mentioning that seems overwhelming and exhausting.
Yes, I know. None of us want to think about that old stuff. "I’ve already dealt with it!!!".. you say.

We would rather just ignore it, shove it in a box in the corner, deny what we feel, etc… but it’s not going anywhere until you clean it out. If you have unwanted behaviours, you have a box. If you have emotional outburst or reactivity, you have a box. If you have emotional pain, you have a box. You and your mind are the only ones who can actually release it and let it go. I can go with you or give you the tools to give you step by step instructions on how to throw it out and release it, but only your mind can actually chose to do it.


An important point to clarify.
We are not going into the basement to dig out old memories for the purpose of wallowing in the pain of that memory. No. We are going into the basement and dragging out that painful box and all of it’s memories for the sole intention of clearing it and releasing it.

There is a time and place for past room basement visits. You must be ready. You must be strong and clear in your intentions for going into those memories in the basement. You must hold yourself grounded as the role of the caretaker.

Even though the Learn to Tidy and Relax your Mind course teaches you how to go into the basement and clean out those boxes or those deeper wounds, I don’t suggest doing it alone until you are ready. You know you are ready when you are able to consistently see the voice of your mind as separate from who you are.


Why do we even bother with these boxes?
These boxes not only hold past pain, they also hold your belief systems..including the things you believed about yourself from your perceptions and experiences as a child. The boxes hold lies, and misunderstandings about you and others. These boxes directly impact and control your behaviours as an adult. Ever witnessed yourself acting childish and wondered why? The reason for this is there was a box opened in your basement. Once its opened and the pain starts to pour out, it's incredibly difficult if not impossible to control your reactions and behaviours.



How do the boxes get opened?
These boxes in the past room basement are either opened by a situation or person in your people room or intentionally opened by you for the purpose of cleaning them out and releasing them. So even though you may be avoiding going into the past room or basement until you are grounded and ready in your belief that you are not the mind, someone in your people room may unintentionally open it for you. This is why we do the work. As long as the boxes are there and full of past stuff, there is a potential for pain, emotional reactivity, and unwanted behaviours.

Take the Learn to Tidy and Relax your Mind course to get prepared for your basement clean out!

Be sure to connect with me on all those social places. I would love to hear from you and learn more about you and your mind!
​

​
1 Comment

What does your mind need from you?

6/17/2020

1 Comment

 

Listen to the audio version here or
​read the blog below.


What I am about to suggest may seem a little odd or be judged as "ego building", however, I feel it is a necessary exercise to do as often as necessary if were are to fulfill our own mental and emotional needs instead of looking for others to do that for us. Wait.... what??? Others aren't supposed to meet my needs? Nope, that's your job.
​
OUR MINDS NEED WHAT THEY NEED. Even if we think they shouldn't.. the need is still there.

I think if these needs are met from others.. then yes, it's EGO BUILDING and creates an ego addiction to be supported by others.
However, if it comes from ourselves, within our internal dialogue, it's CONFIDENCE BUILDING and creates no dependency.. only fulfillment and feelings of safety.

What I would like to suggest is the following experiment.
Each day, talk to your DJ/mind as the caretaker. 
Spend two minutes fulfilling it's mental & emotional needs with kind and supportive inner dialogue.
If you don't know what a DJ is, you might enjoy getting to know your Mind House by taking the course.

This is a very big part of building a strong and healthy inner relationship built on self love.

HERE IS A HINT TO A NEED YOUR DJ/MIND MIGHT BE LOOKING TO HAVE MET BY OTHERS. You will need to find out your Health Type so you can know what category you fall in.


Sensors & Crusaders- Recognition of Achievements.
Give me recognition- respect even, for this massive thing I have accomplished! Be proud of me.

Activators & Connectors- Praise for Creations.
Look what I have made, created, invented, done. Tell me how amazing my creation is and how smart I am to have thought of it.

Guardians & Diplomats- Appreciation for the Gift of Sacrifice/Service.
Notice the value I bring and all that I do quietly in the background so everyone else can feel good and have what they need.

Once this part of you begins receiving a regular dose of what it needs, you may find certain unwanted behaviors change and it becomes more quiet and relaxed.

Also if you have small children.. it's your job to find out what category they fall in and meet their mental and emotional needs until they can, then teach them how to give it to themselves as they grow.

Give it a try.
1 Comment

In Love Explained

6/17/2020

0 Comments

 

listen to the audio version here or
read the blog below


Have you ever found yourself walking around dazed, enamored, and maybe a little confused.? Feeling so high on life about this new person in your world? I can personally say, Absolutely! It's an amazing feeling... this thing our minds define as being "in love". 

But have you ever stopped to think, what is actually going on with your mind during this "in love" state?
I would love to explain exactly why you are feeling what you are feeling, but first I must warn you. My explanation is not going to be very romantic, magical, or "meant to be". However, if you are ready to hear what I am about to tell you, it could save you a tremendous amount of emotional pain and drama down the road.
​


You ready?


I'll need to first give you a little background information about your mind and how it works.
The part we call the mind-you know that sometimes loud, annoying, crazy voice in the head that keeps you awake at 3 am chattering about everything you ever did or said since you could walk and talk?- yeah...that mind- well.. it has needs. It has both mental and emotional needs.
Meaning it wants to be made to feel a certain way.

Depending on the kind of mind you have, those needs may vary slightly, but the basic needs are to feel 1) seen, 2) heard, 3) wanted, and 4) safe.
When we feel at least those 4 basic emotions we then say.."I feel loved". 


Getting your needs met..finally.

So what exactly is happening when you say you are "in love" with someone?
Your mind has hit the love jackpot on having those 4 basic needs met.. All of them.. and not just the basic needs, but also those mental and emotional needs specific to your Health Type (don't know what that is? scroll up to the top of the page and take the Health Type Test.

It relaxes.. and if this "in love" experience with "the one" is the first time your mind has had all it's needs met for awhile.. if maybe ever..your mind relaxes so much.. euphoria sets in.. and viola- you're "in love".
When your mind relaxes so intensely, it is such an emotional relief.
Your mind stops obsessing, worrying, problem making, criticizing you and everyone else, stops making you do unwanted behaviors (for instance, you may eat less)... it's amazing!!! How amazing would it be if you could have that happen without having to find "the one"? Well, you can, but I will get to that later.

If you have ever seen anyone who is in love with being in love..or just loves the newness of the relationships but soon loses interest and must find another.. this is why.. It feels good for your mind to relax and chill out for awhile.. and just like anything else that helps your mind relax and chill out for awhile.. such as drugs, alcohol, etc..being "in love" can be addictive. 

​

Why does the feeling of "in love" fade?

We've determined that when the mind has it's needs met fully.. it relaxes and finds relief. In that relaxation it becomes still and quiet.. sedated in it's "in love" state. 
And then.. time passes.. life creeps back into your worlds. You stop being the center of each other's universe. You stop being able to meet the many emotional and mental needs of the other person's mind. Then the mind wakes back up. It wakes up and says...Hey!!! Why isn't the other person making me feel the way I want to feel anymore? You used to meet my needs and make me feel the way I wanted to feel. Why aren't you doing that now? Do you not LOVE me anymore? Do I not LOVE you anymore?

When we declare "I love you but I'm just not in love with you anymore" .. what we are really saying is "You are no longer meeting the many emotional needs of my mind. Here's some news. They were never supposed to be the one to meet your minds emotional and mental needs in the first place. That's your job. Here is a secret for you that will free you if you embrace it. We are all responsible for meeting the emotional and mental needs of our own minds. How? That's a longer conversation but let me get you started.

3 Steps to begin meeting your own emotional needs.

1) Separate- This is the most important and can be the most difficult step to master. You must see the whiny, needy, complaining, problem making, overreacting voice in the head as separate from you. You are the caretaker.. the observer of the part of you that becomes upset and emotional.
2) Listen and Understand- Once you are separated from the mind, you can then begin helping it to relax by allowing it a safe, unconditionally loving space to express it's upset and problems. Listen to it and love it with your words. Get to know your mind like you would your child.
3) Become the Caretaker- Find out what your mind needs mentally and emotionally. Does it need praise, admiration, reassurance, validation, to feel special, appreciated, valued, understood, wanted, seen, heard, safe.....loved..Ask it.. and then meet those needs by talking to it as you would a child.

This is a process and I know it can seem complicated and overwhelming at times. I would love to hold your hand through it and show you step by step action steps that you can take each day to build this amazing relationship within yourself. If you are searching for true love free of fear, neediness, problems, and drama..this is where you start. Then you will find out that you are actually "the one" you've been waiting for.

Click here and let me send you 3 Steps each day for the next 30 days with the The Mind House.
0 Comments
    Picture

    mind coach

    Hey, it's me!!..Angie Johnsey. You may have seen me with Valerie Bertinelli on the Today Show being called the "mind coach". I love helping people like you find relief from all of the "crazy making" that our minds can get in to..Did you hear about the Tidy Mind Map? Yep, I'm kind of the personal organizer for your mind. I'm glad you are here.. I have so much to share with you. Pull up a chair, let me help you unwind your mind, and let's hang out.

    Archives

    December 2020
    October 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020

    Categories

    All
    Eat My Feelings
    Mind The Heart
    Never Satisfied
    Problem Finding
    Secure In Me
    Tidy Mind House
    Trust Issues

    RSS Feed

    we need to talk.

    Book Your One on One.
Copyright © 2020
  • HOME
  • RETREATS
  • YOUTUBE
  • INSTAGRAM
  • The Mental Minimalist Blog