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Oh Pouty mind of mine

7/13/2020

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Let me tell you what kind of mind can be on one the most miserable to live with and deal with.. a pouty mind.

I observed my own pouty mind over the past 48 hours. Even though I was able to stay aware and separated from it- which is step one in the Tidy Mind Process- I was still feeling the discomfort of my miserable little mind in my emotional body (which is expected). I knew I needed to have a talk with it. Basically, what it came down to was my mind was not getting all of it's conditions met. It was then becoming angry and looking for someone to blame, punish, and manipulate. 

Some of our minds don't know how to handle or cope with not having everything the way it thinks it should be. It has wants and desires and has never learned to cope with not having every condition always the way it thinks it should be. So it pouts. Feels sorry for itself. Becomes angry. Blames situations and other people. However the real problem, is only within itself. You are suffering because this type of mind can't handle not getting what it wants when and how it wants it. 

Let's Help It Cope
This type of mind sulks, is miserable, and makes everyone around it miserable in the process. If it has picked a target to blame, it will begin it's punishing and acting cold and aloof. It does this passive aggressive action to get the attention of the one it wants to do something to make it feel better. Yep, it's childish. However, this behavior probably worked in the past, so why fix it if it still works?

To help it cope, it must first admit that this behavior is childish. It must also see that it is impossible for conditions to always be perfect or how it wants them to be. It must learn to endure discomfort without resorting to it's old tricks of manipulation to get someone else to help it feel better. Remember, that is your job.

Here is something you can try the next time pouty mind shows up.
  1. Don't fight the discomfort you feel. Let your mind know that it doesn't have to fear the discomfort it feels from not getting or having what it wants. Be kind and patient with your mind but let it know that pouting won't fix it this time.
  2. Ask it what it is wanting that it is not getting. Write it down. Now ask it to write down the reality of how things are right now. Now make a plan with your mind how it can cope with what it can't change and how it can plan to take one action step on the things it can change.
  3. If your mind has picked a target to blame and punish, let that person know. You might want to have a conversation with them before this happens to let them know you are trying to help your mind overcome a poor coping mechanism. Then when old pouty shows up, let the person know it is happening and that your mind wants to be mean and cold and punishing but that you are doing your best to not do that. You might even suggest they give you some space and not engage in conversations with you until you can get your mind out of pouty/angry mode. If you are in a relationship with a safe person, they will appreciate your honesty and support you as you work with your mind.
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Victim of Grand Ego

6/22/2020

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Sensors & Crusaders:
Well apparently I'm not going to make many friends with this post. 

This Health Type tends to be the winners in the eyes of society. 
They are smart. 
They are naturally good at just about everything they try.
They are beautiful.
All of these qualities are highly recognized, praised, and sought after in our society.

In school they are they jocks and the cheerleaders, the homecoming queens and kings.
In the movies they are the stars the leading characters.
This result is this type of mind growing up expecting to be treated as special, important, the star of the show, the best..acknowledged, praised, admired.

All of this special treatment, shapes a mind that becomes very needy of external validation and constant reassurance.

As a child, they may find this is easy to come by and it comes in abundance.. Their minds big needs for external validation are constantly met.
Everyone tells them just how good and smart and beautiful they are all of the time..
Then as they grow into adulthood, unless they become a movie star or celebrity, this amount of recognition of beauty and achievement is harder and harder to come by and even then...it's never enough.
This mind falls in the Never Satisfied Category of Mind Habits.  

To get their minds many needs met, they will overachieve, constantly change things about their looks or appearance. Do whatever it takes to get noticed. 

No amount of money, status, or recognition is ever enough for this mind. It will always need more and never stay satisfied for long. This is an incredibly tiring and exhausting type of mind habit to have and can leave people who appear to have it all feeling desperate and miserable. They work hard at perfection so they can achieve the recognition.

What's the Fix?
Awareness that your mind has created a hole that can't possibly be filled is a great start. You are setting yourself up for failure and that is something your mind does not handle well. 
Realizing that those around you in your life aren't responsible for constantly trying to fill this hole for you and make you feel a certain way. They have lives and minds of their own to care for.
Your mind and it's needs are not the center of the universe. Other people exist and we all matter.
Redirect your focus from receiving to giving. If you look outside of yourself. See a need. Meet a need.
Stop comparing your life and experience to what you see in movies. It's not reality.
Stop expecting perfection. It doesn't exist.
Use your mind for it's intended purpose. You are hard workers. You are unstoppable. You are smart. You have the ability to go the distance. Go create something amazing for the world. Get your mind off of itself and it's mission for validation and reassurance through looks and accomplishments.. and put your mind on a mission of creating a better more efficient world. I have no doubt you will succeed.

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are you being mistreated? do you stay or do you go?

6/17/2020

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listen to the audio version here or
​read the blog below


Are you really being mistreated or are they just not doing what your mind wants and expects.

Let’s define mistreatment. 
You are actually being mistreated if you are suffering physical, mental, or emotional abuse. 

We all know what physical abuse looks like. 
Mental and Emotional abuse can be a bit of a grey area for our minds, but let’s try to define it. 
Here are a few behaviors that you should protect your mind from. Name calling, bullying, emotional manipulation (punishing you with silence) gas lighting (trying to confuse your mind and make it question itself or think it is crazy or misreading things) attacking, blaming, shaming, guilting, etc. 

This type of behavior is their little mind trying to get its own needs met by you.. by using every trick and game it can think of.
It wants to feel a certain way, and by doing these behaviors to your mind, it get’s it’s needs met or tries to get them met while your little mind is being abused. 

You may have just read this and thought.. oh God.. I do some of these things to others. Yes, most of us have. 
Why? Because our minds are trying to get their needs met from another person and it will do whatever it takes.. even if it means hurting another mind. If you are doing these behaviors to the mind of someone you love. stop. Take sometime and work with your mind. Learn to Tidy and Relax your mind is a good place to start. If another mind is doing these things to you, protect your mind. That doesn’t always mean leave them. Sometimes all it takes to protect your mind is just staying aware of what they are doing and why they are doing it. That abusive behavior is coming from a mind in pain, in fear, in need. that they are not caring for.

No one is going to do everything your mind wants and expects.. 
but it doesn’t mean they don’t love you.. 
it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be with them. 

What it really means is that your mind is still looking to other people to get its needs met instead of looking to you. 
It may also mean that you have a mind that has a “never satisfied” habit that needs to be broken. 

If you are looking for and waiting on perfection in a relationship with another person.. 
I’m sorry to disappoint you, but the reality is.. that doesn’t exist. 

Despite what your mind tells you because of what it has seen on tv of the movies it watched as a kid, there are no perfect relationships. 

However, the closest you can come to that is the relationship between you and you.  
You are the only one who is going to love and tolerate your little needy mind enough to tell it what it wants to hear.. to give it what it wants to have to be satisfied. Just you. 

Other people can truly love us..but they have their own little needy mind that needs cared for..

No matter how much they love you, you are not the center of their world, or the most important thing in their world, and you shouldn’t want to be. It’s actually quite selfish and egoic of our little minds to think we should replace and come before the needs of their own little minds. 

You do you. They need to do them. Once you both have that straight.. then you can come together as two mentally and emotionally healthy human beings and hang out together. Neither needing and expecting something of the other.

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is your mind never satisfied?

6/17/2020

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listen to the audio version here or
​read the blog below


It's never enough.
This type of mind Is always waiting to experience contentment, but once it receives it's desired feeling, it is short lived. It will need more.
This mind is always waiting on a dream destination, a dream person, a dream situation to make it feel better.
It craves perfection, or the picture society paints of perfection.

This mind refuses to come out of the clouds and join the others in reality. It has a movie mentality.
This mind bores easily. 
This mind wants what It wants and it wants to get what It wants..
Do this for me.. Give me what I want.. Make exceptions for me.. I'm special don't you know?
It can be rather self serving and self centered. It has the engrained belief that others are supposed to meet it needs and if they don't, it will resort to game playing and manipulation. 
This mind also desires to be the center of your world. 

"When I am around, I should be the most important thing in that moment.
You should drop everything else in your life and put me first. If you love me, you would put me and what I need first always."


This mind then sets out to find that perfect person that will meet every emotional need and admire it constantly and make it the center of their world... because they are supposed to, right?

Be proud of me.
Admire me.
Desire me.
Compliment me.


The Passive Side of Never Satisfied.
Whiny and Needy. The passive side of this mind Is usually sweeter than the aggressive side, but it's draining to others...
and don't underestimate it. It can be as dangerous if not more so than the aggressive side.

It uses the sweeter side to gain sympathy to get what it wants and needs. It plays weak and may even play dumb if that will work.
It will cry, play games, scheme, manipulate, whatever it takes to get it's needs met.
It will push you away to punish you and to see if you "love it enough" to chase it.. cause that's how it works in the movies right?

Remember this mind is super intelligent because it was intended to create vaccines and stuff, but here we are.
This mind can not be satisfied.
It will never receive enough attention, praise, or admiration. It's a bottomless pit.
It is a high maintenance mind.
No human can possibly make your mind feel what it wants to feel forever, so stop looking..
Some loving souls can hang in there for a little while, but soon, they realize what they are up against and give up or run away.. This is what we call "self sabotaging".. Your mind ruins your relationships by wanting something that is not humanly possible...
and then your mind blames the other person instead of taking personal responsibility. 
What this mind mistakes as love, is nothing more than a self centered mind getting its needs met for a time by another person. Real love has nothing to do with someone meeting your every emotional need. Real love is about two people, not just one.

The Aggressive Side of Never Satisfied.
Jealous and Comparing. This happens as a defense mechanism. It is constantly on the look out for threats. Who might come between me and me getting my needs met. They might steal my admiration, my compliments. They might be prettier and get the attention that belongs to me. They might take my title of the best. Can't let that happen now can we.

When this side is activated, you might see anger, rage, outbursts. This minds needs being met is being threatened and childish behaviour may soon make an appearance. The person with this mind will do everything possible not to let the aggressive side surface, because they don't want to "look bad".

Comparing can take many shapes. It doesn't have to be relationship related. It can be success related. Your mind can turn on you and torture you over YOU not being enough. Your accomplishments, no matter how great, are never enough.. it's never satisfied. You should always be doing more! Get me more praise, more success, more money your mind says.

It's just bad habits. You are not broken.
These are nothing more than bad habits learned by a very Intelligent mind whose focus is to be made to feel how it wants to feel.
If these bad habits of whining and neediness and jealousy and comparing were to be eradicated, this mind would take the healthy focus of productivity. Those who have this type of mind are not here to suffer these bad habits, but are here to use their driven, obsessive, passionate tendencies to create amazing things that will benefit and move humanity forward.
However, these habits get in the way, and this powerful mind only sets out to create suffering and emotional pain for themselves and those around them. This mind has the ability to go the distance, to get things done, to lead. It is highly intelligent, focused, and driven.
It does not belong fumbling around in the emotional world chasing feelings. 

This type of mind usually belongs to but is not limited to Sensors & Crusaders. (Don't know your health type? Take the quiz.)
Diplomats & Activators can also fall victim to such bad habits. None of us are immune but your health type can tell you a lot about what negative habits you are prone to exhibit.

If you are interested in breaking this habit, I suggest starting with the Learn to Tidy and Relax Your Mind online course. Check out the first 3 lessons and see what you think...if it works for you.. keep going.
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In Love Explained

6/17/2020

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listen to the audio version here or
read the blog below


Have you ever found yourself walking around dazed, enamored, and maybe a little confused.? Feeling so high on life about this new person in your world? I can personally say, Absolutely! It's an amazing feeling... this thing our minds define as being "in love". 

But have you ever stopped to think, what is actually going on with your mind during this "in love" state?
I would love to explain exactly why you are feeling what you are feeling, but first I must warn you. My explanation is not going to be very romantic, magical, or "meant to be". However, if you are ready to hear what I am about to tell you, it could save you a tremendous amount of emotional pain and drama down the road.
​


You ready?


I'll need to first give you a little background information about your mind and how it works.
The part we call the mind-you know that sometimes loud, annoying, crazy voice in the head that keeps you awake at 3 am chattering about everything you ever did or said since you could walk and talk?- yeah...that mind- well.. it has needs. It has both mental and emotional needs.
Meaning it wants to be made to feel a certain way.

Depending on the kind of mind you have, those needs may vary slightly, but the basic needs are to feel 1) seen, 2) heard, 3) wanted, and 4) safe.
When we feel at least those 4 basic emotions we then say.."I feel loved". 


Getting your needs met..finally.

So what exactly is happening when you say you are "in love" with someone?
Your mind has hit the love jackpot on having those 4 basic needs met.. All of them.. and not just the basic needs, but also those mental and emotional needs specific to your Health Type (don't know what that is? scroll up to the top of the page and take the Health Type Test.

It relaxes.. and if this "in love" experience with "the one" is the first time your mind has had all it's needs met for awhile.. if maybe ever..your mind relaxes so much.. euphoria sets in.. and viola- you're "in love".
When your mind relaxes so intensely, it is such an emotional relief.
Your mind stops obsessing, worrying, problem making, criticizing you and everyone else, stops making you do unwanted behaviors (for instance, you may eat less)... it's amazing!!! How amazing would it be if you could have that happen without having to find "the one"? Well, you can, but I will get to that later.

If you have ever seen anyone who is in love with being in love..or just loves the newness of the relationships but soon loses interest and must find another.. this is why.. It feels good for your mind to relax and chill out for awhile.. and just like anything else that helps your mind relax and chill out for awhile.. such as drugs, alcohol, etc..being "in love" can be addictive. 

​

Why does the feeling of "in love" fade?

We've determined that when the mind has it's needs met fully.. it relaxes and finds relief. In that relaxation it becomes still and quiet.. sedated in it's "in love" state. 
And then.. time passes.. life creeps back into your worlds. You stop being the center of each other's universe. You stop being able to meet the many emotional and mental needs of the other person's mind. Then the mind wakes back up. It wakes up and says...Hey!!! Why isn't the other person making me feel the way I want to feel anymore? You used to meet my needs and make me feel the way I wanted to feel. Why aren't you doing that now? Do you not LOVE me anymore? Do I not LOVE you anymore?

When we declare "I love you but I'm just not in love with you anymore" .. what we are really saying is "You are no longer meeting the many emotional needs of my mind. Here's some news. They were never supposed to be the one to meet your minds emotional and mental needs in the first place. That's your job. Here is a secret for you that will free you if you embrace it. We are all responsible for meeting the emotional and mental needs of our own minds. How? That's a longer conversation but let me get you started.

3 Steps to begin meeting your own emotional needs.

1) Separate- This is the most important and can be the most difficult step to master. You must see the whiny, needy, complaining, problem making, overreacting voice in the head as separate from you. You are the caretaker.. the observer of the part of you that becomes upset and emotional.
2) Listen and Understand- Once you are separated from the mind, you can then begin helping it to relax by allowing it a safe, unconditionally loving space to express it's upset and problems. Listen to it and love it with your words. Get to know your mind like you would your child.
3) Become the Caretaker- Find out what your mind needs mentally and emotionally. Does it need praise, admiration, reassurance, validation, to feel special, appreciated, valued, understood, wanted, seen, heard, safe.....loved..Ask it.. and then meet those needs by talking to it as you would a child.

This is a process and I know it can seem complicated and overwhelming at times. I would love to hold your hand through it and show you step by step action steps that you can take each day to build this amazing relationship within yourself. If you are searching for true love free of fear, neediness, problems, and drama..this is where you start. Then you will find out that you are actually "the one" you've been waiting for.

Click here and let me send you 3 Steps each day for the next 30 days with the The Mind House.
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    mind coach

    Hey, it's me!!..Angie Johnsey. You may have seen me with Valerie Bertinelli on the Today Show being called the "mind coach". I love helping people like you find relief from all of the "crazy making" that our minds can get in to..Did you hear about the Tidy Mind Map? Yep, I'm kind of the personal organizer for your mind. I'm glad you are here.. I have so much to share with you. Pull up a chair, let me help you unwind your mind, and let's hang out.

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