Category: Trust Issues

Victim of grand expectations

6/22/2020

Guardians and Diplomats:
I did a post the other day for the Activators and Connectors suffering from VOGI'S- Victims of their own Grand Ideas.
Today I realized that Guardians and Diplomats have VOGE's..Victims of Grand Expectations..

You guys have a super strong value system. Things matter to you that don't matter to the other health types.. such as remembering birthdays, writing handwritten thank you notes, making others feel special... going the extra mile.

You will put so much time and energy into making things special for others because it matters to you. You value excellence.

Then after you put in all of this time and energy, if it's not noticed or appreciated or reciprocated in the way you EXPECT.. you suffer and become angry and resentful.

Your great expectations also make it hard for you to trust others to do the same quality job that you would do. This means, you end up taking on more because of this belief and maybe a little need to control so it's done "right" but becoming bitter and resentful that "you have to do everything."
Here is an audio I hear from many Diplomats especially."I always have to be the responsible one. It's always all on me. I have to do everything. I get no help or support...and no one even appreciates it. I do everything for everyone all of the time and they don't even notice everything I do for them."
Is this true or are you bringing everything all yourself because of your GRAND EXPECTATIONS? Are you experiencing a VOGE?

BELIEF- I HAVE TO DO THIS
(EVEN THOUGH NO ONE ACTUALLY ASKED ME TO OR IS EXPECTING ME TO EXCEPT for MYSELF AND MY HIGH EXPECTATIONS ON THIS EXPERIENCE)
REACTION- BITTER , RESENTFUL, AND HATING ALL THE UNAPPRECIATIVE SELFISH PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE
(USUALLY YOUR FAMILY, THE ONES YOU LOVE MOST)

If this sounds familiar it's time to end the VOGE's... realize you are setting yourself up for this anger and bitterness. Realize things that matter so much to you, just don't matter to everyone else.
Of course, they will let you do it if you are offering, but if you are looking to get your need of appreciation met from them.. you are looking for it in the wrong place.

Either resist the urge to go the extra mile for everyone.. or drop the GRAND EXPECTATIONS on their reactions being some over the top outpouring of appreciation.. it's not happening....you are living in a dream world.....
then learn how to fulfill your own emotional needs for appreciation. Learn how to tell yourself how amazing you are.. how special you are..know for yourself what an incredible human being you are.. because you are!💛

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why gratitude does not fix negativity.

6/17/2020

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listen to the audio version here or
read the blog below

First let me clarify I have nothing against gratitude.
I think it’s fabulous. Keep your gratitude journals. Go to town. Have at it.. as we say in the south.

What I do oppose is the concept that being grateful is a solution for a negative mind.
It may help retrain some of it’s negative habits, but if you don’t start at the source of the problem, this is a fix that won’t stick.

So where is the source of your negativity?
It resides in a mind who has been hurt or one that has not had it’s needs met.
A negative mind is no stranger to disappointment. This mind has lost it’s faith in other people and sometimes in life.
This mind has been let down and lied to way too many times to count.
A negative mind is a hurting mind.
You can throw all the gratitude at it you want, but it doesn’t relieve the pain.
It just makes you feel guilty for being negative when you “should” be feeling grateful.

Sounding familiar?
Now before we go too deep into blaming others or life for our minds being negative, we have to look at the kind of mind we may have.
You may have a mind with strong values and high expectations.
Well isn’t that how we are supposed to be?
The truth is, a strong value system and setting the bar super high on behavior is not for everyone.
It doesn’t make them wrong or less than, it just means that they have a very different mind with a different set of priorities than yours.
The higher your expectations, the greater your risk of disappointment. True?

When we don’t understand this, we can assume that others just don’t care about us.
I mean you always remember their birthdays and send them thoughtful gifts, so they should do the same, right?
Nope. It's not happening.
Now it would be nice, but thoughtfulness and gift giving does not come as high on their priority list as it does yours.

There are some minds who are negative because they feel they never get what they want or it’s just never enough.
Life is unfair. They develop a bit of a suffering, victim mentality.
Their mind is wanting sympathy… someone to take their side.. acknowledge the injustice.
Then a little praise about how they made it through such an experience wouldn’t hurt either, right?
This mind can also fall into the Never Satisfied category of mind habits.

Why do we have different minds?
Several factors.
One is genetics. I can guess if you are resonating with this and thinking I’ve been secretly watching you somehow, that you have an apple or pear body shape. If you also resonant with the Never Satisfied category, you could be more thin, triangle or ruler shaped.
Second factor to consider is who you watched and learned from when your mind was developing as a child.
Third factor is the emotional pain you are storing and the behaviors you developed in an attempt to ease that pain and get your needs met.

So what’s the fix.
Take a look at the 3 factors.

Get to know your mind genetically. Understand we are not all the same nor do we have the same priorities, and accept that as quickly as you can.
Give some thought to the behavior and coping skills of your parents or those you grew up being influenced by.
Learn how to release your past pains and begin meeting the emotional needs of your mind.

I have a course that will help you through this process called Learn to Tidy and Relax Your Mind.
You can try out the first 3 days free.. and if it works for you, then purchase the course for $97 and keep going until your mind no longer has any reason to be negative.

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Victim of grand expectations

why gratitude does not fix negativity.

listen to the audio version here or
read the blog below

mind coach

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we need to talk.

Victim of grand expectations

why gratitude does not fix negativity.

listen to the audio version here orread the blog below

mind coach

Archives

Categories

we need to talk.

listen to the audio version here or
read the blog below