why gratitude does not fix negativity.

listen to the audio version here or
read the blog below

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First let me clarify I have nothing against gratitude.
I think it’s fabulous. Keep your gratitude journals. Go to town. Have at it.. as we say in the south.

What I do oppose is the concept that being grateful is a solution for a negative mind.
It may help retrain some of it’s negative habits, but if you don’t start at the source of the problem, this is a fix that won’t stick.

So where is the source of your negativity?
It resides in a mind who has been hurt or one that has not had it’s needs met.
A negative mind is no stranger to disappointment. This mind has lost it’s faith in other people and sometimes in life.
This mind has been let down and lied to way too many times to count.
A negative mind is a hurting mind.
You can throw all the gratitude at it you want, but it doesn’t relieve the pain.
It just makes you feel guilty for being negative when you “should” be feeling grateful. 

Sounding familiar?
Now before we go too deep into blaming others or life for our minds being negative, we have to look at the kind of mind we may have. 
You may have a mind with strong values and high expectations.
Well isn’t that how we are supposed to be?
The truth is, a strong value system and setting the bar super high on behavior is not for everyone.
It doesn’t make them wrong or less than, it just means that they have a very different mind with a different set of priorities than yours.
The higher your expectations, the greater your risk of disappointment. True?

When we don’t understand this, we can assume that others just don’t care about us.
I mean you always remember their birthdays and send them thoughtful gifts, so they should do the same, right? 
Nope. It's not happening.
Now it would be nice, but thoughtfulness and gift giving does not come as high on their priority list as it does yours. 

There are some minds who are negative because they feel they never get what they want or it’s just never enough.
Life is unfair. They develop a bit of a suffering, victim mentality.
Their mind is wanting sympathy… someone to take their side.. acknowledge the injustice.
Then a little praise about how they made it through such an experience wouldn’t hurt either, right?
This mind can also fall into the Never Satisfied category of mind habits.

Why do we have different minds?
Several factors.
One is genetics. I can guess if you are resonating with this and thinking I’ve been secretly watching you somehow, that you have an apple or pear body shape. If you also resonant with the Never Satisfied category, you could be more thin, triangle or ruler shaped.
Second factor to consider is who you watched and learned from when your mind was developing as a child.
Third factor is the emotional pain you are storing and the behaviors you developed in an attempt to ease that pain and get your needs met.

So what’s the fix.
Take a look at the 3 factors. 

1. Get to know your mind genetically. Understand we are not all the same nor do we have the same priorities, and accept that as quickly as you can.
2. Give some thought to the behavior and coping skills of your parents or those you grew up being influenced by. 
3. Learn how to release your past pains and begin meeting the emotional needs of your mind.

I have a course that will help you through this process called Learn to Tidy and Relax Your Mind.
You can try out the first 3 days free.. and if it works for you, then purchase the course for $97 and keep going until your mind no longer has any reason to be negative. 
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