Oh Pouty mind of mine

Let me tell you what kind of mind can be on one the most miserable to live with and deal with.. a pouty mind.

I observed my own pouty mind over the past 48 hours. Even though I was able to stay aware and separated from it- which is step one in the Tidy Mind Process- I was still feeling the discomfort of my miserable little mind in my emotional body (which is expected). I knew I needed to have a talk with it. Basically, what it came down to was my mind was not getting all of it's conditions met. It was then becoming angry and looking for someone to blame, punish, and manipulate. 

Some of our minds don't know how to handle or cope with not having everything the way it thinks it should be. It has wants and desires and has never learned to cope with not having every condition always the way it thinks it should be. So it pouts. Feels sorry for itself. Becomes angry. Blames situations and other people. However the real problem, is only within itself. You are suffering because this type of mind can't handle not getting what it wants when and how it wants it. 

Let's Help It Cope
This type of mind sulks, is miserable, and makes everyone around it miserable in the process. If it has picked a target to blame, it will begin it's punishing and acting cold and aloof. It does this passive aggressive action to get the attention of the one it wants to do something to make it feel better. Yep, it's childish. However, this behavior probably worked in the past, so why fix it if it still works?

To help it cope, it must first admit that this behavior is childish. It must also see that it is impossible for conditions to always be perfect or how it wants them to be. It must learn to endure discomfort without resorting to it's old tricks of manipulation to get someone else to help it feel better. Remember, that is your job.

Here is something you can try the next time pouty mind shows up.

1. Don't fight the discomfort you feel. Let your mind know that it doesn't have to fear the discomfort it feels from not getting or having what it wants. Be kind and patient with your mind but let it know that pouting won't fix it this time.
2. Ask it what it is wanting that it is not getting. Write it down. Now ask it to write down the reality of how things are right now. Now make a plan with your mind how it can cope with what it can't change and how it can plan to take one action step on the things it can change.
3. If your mind has picked a target to blame and punish, let that person know. You might want to have a conversation with them before this happens to let them know you are trying to help your mind overcome a poor coping mechanism. Then when old pouty shows up, let the person know it is happening and that your mind wants to be mean and cold and punishing but that you are doing your best to not do that. You might even suggest they give you some space and not engage in conversations with you until you can get your mind out of pouty/angry mode. If you are in a relationship with a safe person, they will appreciate your honesty and support you as you work with your mind.