I want to write briefly about one of the biggest destroyers of excellent relationships.
It begins when one or both partners in the relationship start looking for signs of change, a decrease in love levels, attention levels, effort levels. The partner in the relationship who begins doing this first or the most, will bring fear and insecurity into the relationship.
Here is how it looks. New and fabulous relationship. Great fun. Lots of attention. Slightest change or assumed threat to that, and one of you goes into what I call "detective mode".
Now the other person starts to feel like Leonardo DiCaprio in "Catch me if you can". The detective hunts for signs or clues to see if they are still loved and wanted as much as they were before. The other partners feels this and may even grow tired of the questioning and need of reassurance, and begin to run. Not pretty or enjoyable for either side. What was once a fun and loving relationship has now been poisoned with fear and insecurity.
How do you stop this? Give them a BREAK!!!!!.. before they give you one. So what if they normally text 3 heart emoji's and this time they only sent you one. I repeat.. Give them a BREAK!
Let them off the hook. Remove the pressure. Create some space. Stop looking at what they are doing or are not doing for you and turn the attention to what YOU are doing to make THEM feel loved.
Are you really showing them love by not giving them your trust? I think not. Maybe it's time for you to see if all that energy you've put into playing detective could be put into playing lover.
One more important key. Love yourself. When one slips into detective mode, all of your attention turns to the other person. All of it. It then turns into an obsession. You then begin torturing yourself with "what if's". You also run the chance of self sabotaging. Meaning, you will begin looking for any reason to jump ship. You will find yourself picking fights over insignificant topics. All of this is to avoid hurt because you don't trust. You don't trust them and you don't trust that you would survive if they left you.
What about you? Instead of giving another person who you can't control all of your attention, turn it on to things you can control. This is part of loving yourself. No one outside of you should ever become the center of your world, your everything. If this happens, you begin to cling too tightly and constantly look for signs to see if you are losing your grip or not. Take some time for you . Let yourself off the hook. Give yourself some space to find yourself again outside of your partner or relationship. Know that you are amazing, can survive anything, and have so much love to give. Go give it.
Angie Johnsey is a speaker, author and world-renowned Mind expert. A hypnotherapist and psychiatric nurse by trade, Angie assists clients all over the world to become aware of their mental and emotional patterns, bring clarity and peace to lives that were once full of stress and suffering, and choose the feelings they would like to have to transform their lives.