What causes anger, resentment, and bitterness?
We or our inner child becomes angry and resentful when we have to do things we don't want to do and we also become angry and resentful when we see others not having to do things we have to do.
How much of what I actually do each day is because I have to..and how much of what I do each day is because I want to?
Depending on the numbers you find here, You can almost predict how much anger and resentment your inner child holds inside.
It's a pretty simple formula for discovering the core our deepest anger.
As children we are shaped and molded away from our true selves by a million have to's.
You have to be good. You have to be kind. You have to sacrifice. You have to be responsible. You have to be a success. You have to be smart. You have to get a good job. You have to be neat and tidy. You have to watch your sister. You have to clean your room. You have to eat all of your food.
Have you ever heard a child say, "You're not the boss of me?"
I remember saying that as a child and getting into quiet a bit of trouble and being shamed as a bad kid for saying such a thing.
Now I'm beginning to realize, I was actually on to something truly empowering. I realize I said this because I knew I had a choice over what I did or didn't do and I was defending that ability to choose. When I was shamed, I was taught that I had no choice.
Are there any situations in your current life where you believe the old lie of "I have to do this because I have no choice" ? If yes, it's time to remember the truth again.
I would like to dare you to ask the question, "Who said? Who said I have to do all of those things and who made them the ruler of right and wrong. Who said it was ok for them to pressure me into behaving a certain way just because they said so...and who passed that rule down to them?
The truth is our true nature is to be loving, kind, considerate, etc.. but when you add the two words "have to" in front of those things..you poison it. Now you have a belief or program. The things you do are because the program said so..the program says you have to..and there is no room for want to.
You grew up operating off of that program, that conditioning.
Then you meet people who aren't imprisoned by the same programming and you resent them for it.
They are going against everything you have been pouring so much energy in to maintaining and they don't even care! How dare they! This is how you are supposed to act and behave! I have to do it and so should they! Why can they get away with that and I can't?
They simply weren't given the same shame and "have to" you were. They are free. You are not. You hate them for it. It doesn't make them wrong and you right. You just operate off of a different programming or set of personal rules than they do.
When we do things from a want to.. we pour love into that interaction and everything we touch. Our tone of voice is different. Our facial expression is different. Our energy is different.
When we do things from a have to..we pour bitterness, anger, resentment and hate into that interaction and everything we touch. Those around us can feel and see our anger.
It would be much better not to do something at all than to do it out of obligation or a have to.
I challenge you to take 2 minutes and do an "I have to rant".. you may even start to feel the stored anger start to surface. When you are done with the rant, free yourself from all of those have to's by giving your inner child permission to say...
Who said? Who made them the boss of me?
I think I'll allow my heart to be the boss of me from here on out:)
Don't worry, taking back your freedom to choose what you do and don't do won't turn you into a horrible person, but it will set you free to be the amazing person you already are.
Every thought is a story told by the mind to the ego or inner child.
If you are reading this because you are hurt, upset, confused, and need relief, chances are your mind has not been very loving, compassionate, understanding, or patient with it's child.
It's important that you know, what you truly are is the spiritual adult.
Yes, right now. No action required. The spiritually mature, enlightened guru resides within you right now. You are complete. You are love. No fear exist. Nothing needs fixed. There are no issues.
However, you are attached to a child who is prone to fear.. we all are. The only difference between you and those we label as guru's or spiritual masters is they have learned a way to keep their child calm and quiet ...leaving them free to experience peace, behave as the spiritual adult, and act from their hearts more of the time. We encounter their guru far more often than we encounter their child.
Every step we take towards enlightenment, every tool we use, is to calm and quieten the child in order to hear and more fully embody the heart..to allow our inner Guru to emerge from within us and interact with the world.
We meditate to calm the child. We attend sweat lodge, go to healers, attend retreats, dance in circles, stand on our heads, take drugs, drink alcohol, do anything and everything anyone suggest because we are so desperate to calm and quieten the child.
How to manage the ego.
The objective to the game of life is to help the ego or child feel safe, better, good, and ok...giving it the happiest experience possible. The life experience was made for the child's entertainment...and the stories the mind tells the child determines if that experience is painful or pleasurable.
Stop the cause of the pain.
Whatever you are going through emotionally right now is because the child is upset and feeling unsafe. Realize the thing that is scaring the child and creating those painful feelings is a very scary story. Stop telling or entertaining that story immediately.
Sometimes the stories the child entertains is a good story, a love story, and sometimes its a horror story. Both are created by the mind written in thoughts.
Scary, negative thoughts create a horror story where your ego/child is the victim. Loving, positive thoughts create a love story where your ego/child is the hero. One story makes the ego or child feel good. The other story upsets and scares the child.
Learn the positive spin.
Tell the child a better story. Stories are for children. The part of you that needs the story is the ego or the inner child. This game belongs to the ego. You play it to humor the ego.
The real part of you, the heart or the spiritual adult, doesn't need the story or the entertainment. The heart doesn't need anything. Realize you are correcting the story for the ego or the inner child's sake to keep it feeling calm and safe.
Put a positive spin on the current reality to distract the child from the scary uncomfortable parts.
Just as you wouldn't tell a child, "Hey! I'm going to put you in the car, strap you in, take you to see adults you don't know, and have them stick you with needles."
Instead you would say.. "Hey! lets go on a fun adventure to see the nurse that loves you so much that she is going to help you stay well..I will be with you the whole time. Then we can go for a treat!.."
Your inner child will require the positive spin not the hard cold facts. Part of you will say, but that's just me lying to myself. Actually, you are calming the scared child inside of you because it controls your emotional wellbeing. If it is scared and stressed, your physical body is also stressed and your physical and mental, health will suffer. There are numerous benefits to giving every life event a positive spin.
You will need to remember this when the mind says, "Stop being in denial and accept the truth! Be an adult! Just grow up and accept the truth!
The mind must be reminded, it's not the adult part of you that is upset and having the issue.. it's the child.
If the truth of the current reality is too scary and overwhelming for the child to handle, you are going to have to "positive spin it". Trust me.
Be a loving, attentive baby sitter.
As soon as your ego or inner child gives signs of stress or upset, begin distraction techniques.
What would you do with a child who is scared and misses it's mother?
Get out the crayons, tell it a funny story, make it laugh, put it's favorite movie on?
What do all of these things have in common?
All are distractions away from the current reality that it's mom isn't around to give it love and comfort.
What you wouldn't do is show it photo's of it's mom. Talk constantly about her. Tell it sad, scary stories of how you are pretty sure she doesn't love it and is never coming back. You wouldn't tell it how she is probably off playing and giving love to some other child right now.
We wouldn't even think of being that cruel to a child but yet we tell those scary stories through thoughts to our own inner child.. then we wonder why we have so much fear, stress, anxiety, and dysfunction.
To love your Self is to love your child.
Angie Johnsey is a speaker, author and world-renowned Mind expert. A hypnotherapist and psychiatric nurse by trade, Angie assists clients all over the world to become aware of their mental and emotional patterns, bring clarity and peace to lives that were once full of stress and suffering, and choose the feelings they would like to have to transform their lives.