What causes anger, resentment, and bitterness?
We or our inner child becomes angry and resentful when we have to do things we don't want to do and we also become angry and resentful when we see others not having to do things we have to do.
How much of what I actually do each day is because I have to..and how much of what I do each day is because I want to?
Depending on the numbers you find here, You can almost predict how much anger and resentment your inner child holds inside.
It's a pretty simple formula for discovering the core our deepest anger.
As children we are shaped and molded away from our true selves by a million have to's.
You have to be good. You have to be kind. You have to sacrifice. You have to be responsible. You have to be a success. You have to be smart. You have to get a good job. You have to be neat and tidy. You have to watch your sister. You have to clean your room. You have to eat all of your food.
Have you ever heard a child say, "You're not the boss of me?"
I remember saying that as a child and getting into quiet a bit of trouble and being shamed as a bad kid for saying such a thing.
Now I'm beginning to realize, I was actually on to something truly empowering. I realize I said this because I knew I had a choice over what I did or didn't do and I was defending that ability to choose. When I was shamed, I was taught that I had no choice.
Are there any situations in your current life where you believe the old lie of "I have to do this because I have no choice" ? If yes, it's time to remember the truth again.
I would like to dare you to ask the question, "Who said? Who said I have to do all of those things and who made them the ruler of right and wrong. Who said it was ok for them to pressure me into behaving a certain way just because they said so...and who passed that rule down to them?
The truth is our true nature is to be loving, kind, considerate, etc.. but when you add the two words "have to" in front of those things..you poison it. Now you have a belief or program. The things you do are because the program said so..the program says you have to..and there is no room for want to.
You grew up operating off of that program, that conditioning.
Then you meet people who aren't imprisoned by the same programming and you resent them for it.
They are going against everything you have been pouring so much energy in to maintaining and they don't even care! How dare they! This is how you are supposed to act and behave! I have to do it and so should they! Why can they get away with that and I can't?
They simply weren't given the same shame and "have to" you were. They are free. You are not. You hate them for it. It doesn't make them wrong and you right. You just operate off of a different programming or set of personal rules than they do.
When we do things from a want to.. we pour love into that interaction and everything we touch. Our tone of voice is different. Our facial expression is different. Our energy is different.
When we do things from a have to..we pour bitterness, anger, resentment and hate into that interaction and everything we touch. Those around us can feel and see our anger.
It would be much better not to do something at all than to do it out of obligation or a have to.
I challenge you to take 2 minutes and do an "I have to rant".. you may even start to feel the stored anger start to surface. When you are done with the rant, free yourself from all of those have to's by giving your inner child permission to say...
Who said? Who made them the boss of me?
I think I'll allow my heart to be the boss of me from here on out:)
Don't worry, taking back your freedom to choose what you do and don't do won't turn you into a horrible person, but it will set you free to be the amazing person you already are.
Angie Johnsey is a speaker, author and world-renowned Mind expert. A hypnotherapist and psychiatric nurse by trade, Angie assists clients all over the world to become aware of their mental and emotional patterns, bring clarity and peace to lives that were once full of stress and suffering, and choose the feelings they would like to have to transform their lives.